I wanted to relate an inspirational story some of you might find helpful. Back in 2004 my W of 34 years followed the pattern aptly described as "the pleaser" and dropped the "D" bombshell. I read Michelle’s books read more books until the total equaled 35. I supplemented the books with counselors totaling four. I followed Michelle’s techniques I was sure to reconcile. I failed. Sometimes I think I disappointed my "ex" by not reacting as she predicted and she wrote it off as some counselor's "trick." I remember her telling me once "I've quit everything I ever started and if I don't see this divorce through I'll be a quitter forever." I only responded "I'm sorry it has to be this way" but really thought "That's like saying I've never been able to withstand pain so if I don't cut my leg off I'll never prove I can withstand pain." I detached and began a new life. Upon reflection I came to the conclusion that her decision to divorce formed years before the "big D" was dropped and she just fell out of love. Low and behold I moved to Asia and met a woman who herself was going through marriage problems. I sent her Michelle’s books and suggested counseling but like my "ex" I saw only a woman who fell out of love. That was three years ago. The great news I wanted to relate was Michelle’s techniques have found a new application on a fresh playing field and even crossing, race, culture, religion, and to some degree language barriers. They have paid huge dividends already. A lot of what Michelle preaches reminds me of Steven Covey's 7 habits specifically "First seek to understand" something I failed to do in my first marriage and now do it as if it were an embedded behavior from birth. Today we are planning to get married on the Chinese magical date of 8/8/08 which coincidently is the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. What didn't work with my "ex" is working marvelously with my new love. All things considered, I'm better off today.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001