hi, thanks for explaining a bit more what you meant.
I agree that compromise is important. communication is vital about those needs & how important those needs are, is it a 10? or a 2? on a scale of 1-10.
H & I are very different about what are our MC called our absolutes. That became abundantly clear in counseling. We never made it to the compromise part or even understanding of mine, for various reasons.
I am in a PhD program for the past 7 years and yes it added pressures that played many roles directly and indirectly in our splitting.
Misunderstandings of what I needed for support when trying to complete dissertation resesarch with a full-time job, 2 teen-agers, a 2 hour commute, a spouse with an 80 hour a week job, and a major professor who is certifiably nuts became rampant in the relationship and his anger intensified because I was not meeting his needs the way I used to. I changed the rules of the game, he did not like the realities of what he agreed to do when I went back to school.
I will now lose my job because I did not finish my PhD in time to keep it. It needed to be done by this August, it will be done by December. There is much bitterness over that.
There are not many jobs in my area that can use people with my experience & education level. Moving to where those jobs are means moving my D. away from her Dad or me away from her. I'm not ready to make that choice yet.
As a plaque above my kitchen sink says.. it is what it is.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.