My individual counselor had me pick up the 5 languages of apology by Chapman, months ago, because I was having difficulty in forgiving my LBS for his abusive behaviour towards me and the kids.
When I finally had enough intestinal fortitude (read here emotionally saftey with him) to share it a few months back, he took the initiative to order the 5 love languages for Men on his own.
That lead to more conversations about what was missing & what we each needed. Not to completion however, as our poor communication seems to side-track us hashing through negative emotions (stage 1), but at least some of these issues saw a glimmer of the light of day for the first time in years.
Those two things combined have done wonders for us feeling more connected to the other than anything we have done to this point in our marriage. We however, seem to be at an impasse in using the tools we have to get back on track when our communications break down or when we can not resolve a conflict.
I am hoping a counselor will help provide us that. Since I'm much more knowledgable this time around going into Counseling.. I'm not sure if I should schedule phone interviews with them and say...
here's our goals, here's how far we've come (love that Matchbox 20 song), here's the tools we have used to get here, what can you do and what are you willing to do to help us move forward.
Or are we going to 'waste' time sitting in 3 different counselors offices + car ride time just to find out that they don't believe in the 5 love languages or the other tools we find DO work for us. Maybe I should be in "piecing' forum with these questions.
I'm sorry your wife does not place the value for what she is looking for in a partner on the same things you do.. it is rare to find someone you connect to & communicate with intimately, I agree, just as it is rare to find that level of intimacy physically & mentally (IMHO). I hope you can find common ground or at least common happiness on non-common ground.
Peace.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
