From Confusitron

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It's really difficult to stop pursuing someone you love. We think if we just find the right words, we'd be able to make our WAS see reason and come back to us. It doesn't work, does it? It didn't for me, that's for sure, and it makes them just that much more determined to get away from us.

Sit down with your DR or DB book in the section that talks about goals and "more of the same" behavior. Have you actually sat down and written this out? I found it very helpful. Being aware of self defeating behavior is the first step in eliminating it.

After you have done that it may be easier for you to deal with your WAW in a more constructive way. Keep asking yourself "is what I'm about to say/do going to bring me closer to my goal, or farther from it?" If the answer is "farther", stop and look for an alternative.

Your situation has some similarities to my own. My H didn't feel like either of us had our independance anymore, and that was really important to him. When I thought about it objectively, I had to agree with him. That's what we're working on now. Each of us is being more independent, which makes us feel more like PARTNERS, instead of people who NEED each other.

Giving her the space she needs right now doesn't mean she won't come back, or that you don't care. It's probably the most loving thing you can do for her. And it gives you time to take care of yourself too!


JJ

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