Hi Strat- Sorry there have been no respones to your post before now. The answer to your question of whether there is any hope is a strong YES! From what you have described, your present way of communicating with your W in a supportive and nonconfrontational manner is working. I would not suggest that you do anything significantly different because you've noted that she is warming up to you and expressing concern about your well being. I deem that change as a sign that what you are doing is allowing her to lower her walls and defense mechanisms a bit.

The danger that you face, in light of the improvements, is overzealousness in trying to have things happen even faster. It is likely critical that you move slowly now and not do anything to show that her friendly signals to you have triggered additional expectations. You need to strike that healthy balance of an abundance of positive mental attitude and being exceptionally alert to process new signals from your W. You've indicated that she will need to feel in control and it would seem that openly offering her continued support while you focus on your own issues will likely rebuild her respect and trust.

Letting go of any anger that may linger is also a must as you try to be her long distance best friend. The 6 month period she has mentioned is probably not carved in stone, but try not to let the idea of that separation dominate your actions or thoughts. It is unfortunately too easy to drag yourself down psychologically by looking at the negatives and feeling overwhelmed by the moment's stumbling blocks. View whatever length of separation that you may have as an opportunity to make changes that will, on the one hand, possibly result in a healthier marriage, but, on the other, guarantee a healthier life for you.

I would not press your W for a visit or for answers re. what she wants from the marriage now. Let her take the lead and let her know the measures you're taking to address issues that are your own and that need improvement. You know her best and perhaps there are little things that you could do that would remind her of the man with whom she fell in love. Wait as long as you think those things would be perceived as pressure for particular responses from her.

I'm not sure if you have read "Divorce Busting" yet, but get a copy and read it ASAP if you don't have it in your collection. You seem to be on the right track and know the caution that you need to use in your interaction with your W, albeit limited to the phone now. Best of luck--

Jamie


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!