Here's what I used to do when I would feel such a compelling urge to contact my H and seek some type of assurance: I would almost chant to myself that it was very possible (perhaps likely) that my inquiry alone could push my H further from me and make it a real possibility that he'd zing me further as I pushed for answers or some form of encouragement. It all really requires taking a deep breath and understanding that the walkaway often cannot handle being pushed on questions re. the status of things, whether there has been progress, what the prognosis of things is.... We feel like we need answers NOW and they don't typically want to deal with things until they are ready. It's not fair or easy, but do not attempt to "take her pulse" because it may push her away. Also, as Michele points out in her book, if we openly worry about the relationship and express it to our spouse, he or she doesn't have to worry about it (at least not as much).
I like Greg's suggestion to possibly stop responding to all of her e-mails. She might need to miss you and wonder what you are doing and thinking.
Hang in there--Jamie
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!