Dave, I have not followed you story as I am rarely on these boards these days since rebuilding a life with my wife takes most of my time. One thing you said really jumped out at me.
"Her new attitude can be best described as deeply angry. she is tired of being taken for granted and disrespected. from now on you'd better believe, she is not going to be pushed by anyone."
Was your wife taken for granted and disrespected, and if she was it bet she is angry. Her actions and reactions are very normal. If she felt that way in the past she probably got to a point she felt she didnt even know who she was or why she even tried. Now she is in a position where she feels she has to rediscover who and what she is. Many times WAW's totally detach to do this. Whether it be conscious or subconscious they feel the need to focus on them selves with little regard to the world around them to get back on track and feel good about them and the world once again.
From someone who has been through it all and is finally coming to the end of the tunnel this is what you need to do. Never talk about your relationship. Keep talk about your D to only necessary things since she sees you as "always talking about your D". Talking about kids can be a double edged sword. Yes, it may evoke some sense of family in them but usually if the time is too soon they feel you are smoothering them with family talk, and kid talk usually ends up turning into emotional talk they dont want to deal with. How does she act when you just talk to her, ie light chit chat? As for the date question it was not a bad thing, but she gave her answer so let it go for now and give her some time to let it sink in. Now just have some pleasant light contact with her when possible and dont pressure her, judge her, or blame her for anything. See what happens just keeping things light and friendly.
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!