From Kent.......


Do me a favor. Go back and re-read the posts in your two threads. It seems that there is a theme to them. The message is pretty much the same from a number of people. I see the message as:

Stop wondering what is wrong with W and how messed up she is to do this to you and your child. It is a given.

I consider this wallowing in self pity and the harboring of resentment. It is a first class ticket to divorce. You need to release these feelings and free yourself to be happy. Let W and her antics go for now. Focus on your personal life with your child. Act "as if" you would like W back in your life some day after she gets her sh## togather.

Try to find the strength to forgive W for her activities and yourself for helping to push her away. Don't kid yourself, forgiveness takes strength. Keep in mind that W's confusion comes from hurt and pain that was caused by her past and inadequacies in your relationship. Yes, her expectations may have been unfair to you. However, expectations not addressed turn into resentment and hurt.

You are not wrong for your feelings and W is not wrong for hers. You need to find a way to meet W in the middle. Don't worry about W's lack of effort to come to the middle. Focus on your efforts. Maybe even a wee bit of extra effort (not toooo much though). When you get to the middle you can wait for her.

If you do this in baby steps, you can handle it. If you can kill the resentment, you will find the strength to keep moving towards W rather than away.

Resentment kills respect which once lost, kills love dead.



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