You know, sometimes you just gotta talk! If you think this is the right time, do it. But if it seems to go off track, stop.
I did a 180 on showing affection - like you, I did not show H enough affection, it was like a cold war going on - he believes that physical attention demonstrates affection, so I learned to touch more (stroking shoulder when talking, putting my hand on his arm, massaging his feet when he would let me). Made a HUGE difference.
You say you basically tolerate each other. Another 180 would be for you to break out of that stagnant way of dealing with each other. Don't just tolerate her, act as if you are happy to be with her, blast her with friendship and unconditional love, do not expect anything in return, but I betcha if you make the first moves to thaw things out, she will follow.
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