I got angry at myself too. I think you're passing through some very normal stages. I thought the begging, pleading, pursuing actions were the right things to do as well. If it wasn't for people like Michele, I think everyone would still be trying the things that come naturally that don't work! Thank heavens for DB'ing solutions.
It takes time to get past the anger and the guilt and the hurt--but once you're on the other side, and I'm largely there right now, it feels wonderful. It feels so incredible to have control back--but not the illusion of control I had before--the illusion that I could control many aspects of my life and my relationship.
I now realize that I can control how I choose to respond to situations and I can at least control in some measure my own happiness and that is why I am so happy right now and so settled.
My W has commented on how much calmer I am and how much happier I am.
I think you're on the right path, praying and trying to find inner peace--it will come. It takes time and patience--lots of patience and lots of time--however your situation is resolved.
Invest a major amount of time working on yourself and your happiness right now and you'll have the strength and calmness to accept whatever happens.
Don't be too hard on yourself for too long. Many others, most definitely including myself, have walked the torturous path you're on right now and let me promise you that there is a better path once you find your sense of self again.
Hang in there and keep DB'ing as you lovingly detach,
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