From Kansha!


I posted this on my: "Long Journey Home Thread" but it occured to me that it might be useful, all on it's own.

I am planning to start a thread soon in the forum: "Piecing Our Marriage Back Together" See ya there!

Here are a few things I did to DB my H while all the craziness was going on:

I found more ways to focus on my children and myself.

I forced myself to stop thinking about what my H was doing and how unfair it was.

I realized there is really nothing I could do about my Hs behavior anyway.

I learned to state boundaries in a friendly none threatening tone. And I stated those boundaries quickly and succinctly.

I tried to process all my emotions in a healthy way that allowed me to stay calm just about 24/7. (If I became angry I broke plates against a wall to get out the anger.)

I worked on my self-esteem.

I started going out once a week and having H watch the kids.

I tried to stay in touch with my emotions as best as I could and release them as close to the incident as possible even if I thought I felt fine.

I "acted as if", I was going on with my life, I gave my H some breathing room.

I tried different 180s.

I became more unpredictable. One fourth of July H said he was going out. (Not spending it as a family) So I had a barbeque and invited lots of people over and celebrated without him.

I became mysterious.

I stopped initiating any conversation.

I went to my room as soon as he came home.

I laughed a lot and enjoyed my kids in my room with the door shut.

I never made plans that included him.

I stopped interfering and/or helping along his relationships with the kids.

I stopped keeping him informed on the kids.

I avoided OR talks.

I stopped confronting him.

I left the room first and ended conversations first.

I was always friendly but distracted.

I stopped defending myself.

I listened to him ad- nauseum.

I sat in therapy sessions and let him express his anger at me until I couldnt do it anymore.

I took antidepressants

Went to counseling by myself.

Made a list of all of my good points and talents(To remind myself of my worth)

I took stock of what about myself could be improved and did so.

I prayed

I became more focused on what I had to be grateful for.

I gave the whole situation over to God.

The above are a "few" of the things that I did.

I hope this helps someone!


Read about Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching here!