From MF


Real quick note while I'm at work. I remember reading your first post around the same time as I started posting. We have shared alot of this journey. My opionion, for whatever they're worth is:

1. Separation is not a bad thing. It has helped my w and I a great deal. We are moving very, very slowly toward reconciliation, but whether we'll make it all the way there or not I don't know. We could not have even started the slow movement back without the last 3+ months of separation. In retrospect, I should have detached way more, way quicker. LRT done with love and compassion would have helped my situation a lot. A day or two after a I really profoundly released my wife emotionally and spiritually, she made the first overture toward reconciliation she has made since she dropped the bomb in March. I don't know if the two are related or not, but I believe they are.

2. I know this is a really hard one, but patience, patience and more patience. I think these things have a time frame completely of their own. What has absolutely struck me is the suddenness of my wifes change. On December 5th she gave me the long version of your 5 minute talk. On January 1st it looked like she had a happy relationship with Om that she was sharing with my kids. I truely thought she was completely gone on 1/1/01 and that night, in profound pain, I released her from her vows and took off my ring. On 1/5, pretty much on a lark, I sent her a fax that said she could move back and that I still wanted to reconcile. I expected either no response or a very negative response to the fax. She responded very positively and I learned that she has been slowly moving toward me, even when things looked hopeless. I have no idea what happened. There was no hint or suggestion that she was at least still open to reconciling.

3. The fact your w is still "on the fence" even after all these months is probably a very, very positive sign and I'm sure you are a much more attractive man than you were when you wrote the first post.

In retrospect, I wish I had acted "as if" the marriage were over early on while remaining simply open to the idea of reconcilation, gone much darker during the early separation and done all of this with very loving detachment.



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