From Allii.....


180's are really just doing something differently than you have in the past. Everyone's story here is different, but I can tell you what kinds of 180's worked for me. I started out doing 180's that I thought would make my H act toward me in certain ways. That approach didn't work and I got discouraged. Then I realized that the 180's were really for me and for stopping the patterns/ruts we were in.

As for what will make her feel less neglected, it really depends on her. My C showed me that looking at our arguments was a clue to what H needed. H needed for me to "do" things for him. As unnatural as that is for me--I just don't think of washing a car as an act of love--I did. Michele calls this real giving. A book that helped me with that was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (You can also do an internet search and get the idea of the book.) Yes, gift giving could be perceived as pursuing, especially if she is not open to that.


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