Here's a great post from Indy36!!


When I first began this process in earnest my 180s were much like that of most of us. My one big thing was not following my wife around like a puppy dog. I gave her space and kept myself busy doing things I enjoy. I stopped talking about R in any way. No matter how much I wanted to say something, I didn't. I made sure to end all conversations, but in a nice way. If I was at work while we talked on phone, I simply said "I gotta go - customer.

I made sure to walk in the door smiling, I wore cologne every day, bought clothes I normally wouldnt, watched my manners (please and thank you), spoke slowly and softly.

Then, at one point, as noted in this thread I realized it was time to change things a bit. I kept up the aforementioned things, but added a different aspect. I started to "romance" her a little. Nothing upfront or pushy. Basically I acted as if she was a woman I knew and had interest in. I took nothing for granted and expected nothing in return. Much like you would in a new relationship. I watched her reactions and adjusted my actions accordingly.

That has brought us to where we are now. I think of her as my girlfriend now. I treat her as such. Always making sure to gauge and react and make sure she is comfortable. I make no demands (except once when I clearly made a sexual comment - which was a 180 at THAT moment). So...I think that is the "sweet spot". Somewhere between being unselfish and non pushy while being caring, supportive, attractive and yes, "sexy". The trick is to not seem too aloof but also not seem needy.

It really is a lot like the early stages of a brand new relationship. I still doubt this will all work out, but I am a far better person than 5 motnhs ago, and my relationship with my wife and kids is dramatically better.

Patience, and genuine thoughtfulness are my friends.


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