you want advice from someone who is trying to figure out how to save their marriage themselves. DBing has saved already saved my marriage; my 14th anniversary is 2/24/04.
The point of this thread is this, read Michele's books and apply it. Read the best of threads that are at the start of the FOR NEWCOMERS in the Open Forums.
Read the threads bumped by the old-timers, they've seen it all before, same questions, same fears, same panic, same mistakes different circumstances.
I noticed that many of the threads that Michele and James John have fixed at the top of this forum have only 1000 or 2000 views yet their have been over 300,000 posts in this forum (probably 4,000,000 plus views as well in just this forum alone!!). Those threads should be among the most viewed threads on the boards but they are not.
Our natural tendency is to come to this forum and write about our problem and seek help for our specific situation which, in and of itself is not bad. However, the more one reads Michele's written words as well as those threads that have volumes of lessons learned through agonizing experiences, the quicker that reader can minimize their own pain of learning the hard way like so many of us have.
It is good to make friends and get support on your thread, and I cannot emphasize that enough, BUT read those threads Michele and Jamesjohn have sitting at the top and you will not regret it. (If it helps, do like many of us did and copy and print the best stuff and reference it often).
As an fyi,I have pasted my link from last year as my wife and I celebrated our 13th anniversary just to share some thoughts which are not new or unique, but helpful to some, I hope. Celebrated 13 years of marriage this week!