Here's Gbon's response to.....

I don't seem to be having *any* luck DB'ing, and am starting to think the M is hopeless, and thinking about giving up. There are just certain things I don't know how to deal with. My W attitude has changed SO much.

My W wants a D, and wants me to file. EVERY time we talk, she brings it up. We've now agreed that I will file within the next month. But I'm clueless as to how to act between now and then. Any pointers???


A few things.

First, since you are aware of her EA with online guy, let that topic die. Unless she brings it up, just forget about OM. If she does bring it up, then sit back, let her talk, and listen. You might have to let the thing with OM play out in its entirety, so relax and be prepared to have your patience tested to its absolute limit.

Second, it might have been a mistake to tell her you will file for D. Your best bet would have been to have her do it under the pretense that you would like to see the marriage work out. Since you have already agreed to file, you might want to tell her that the communication needs to be better between the two of you if you are going to work out any differences due to the upcoming (hopefully not) divorce proceedings and the money issues. USE THIS TIME WISELY. View this as a window of opportunity to communicate with her and use some new skills for interacting with her without starting an arguement or fight. Be calm and poised, always.

Third, from an outside perspective, I don't think your sitch is as bad as it appears. Learn to control your actions and emotions. I've said it many times, but the person in the relationship who controls themself the best always has the edge even though it may not be apparently so.


JJ

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