Here's something from the most "wisest" of us all!!!
Quoting Michele: Thank you all for your kind words! As usual, I appreciate it.
Rjoin, I know it's hard to be nice when you're angry. First of all, if you haven't, you need to read the books everyone else has read around here. Start with Divorce Remedy if you haven't read it yet. It will help you understand what's happening and make it easier for you to behave in a way that is more likely to help you reach your own goal.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is to place too much emphasis on what you're feeling at the moment. feelings are just emotions that come and go. They are triggered by events and thoughts that you are having. It's important to be in touch with your feelings, but it's even more important to realize two things. First, your feelings often misguide you. They're not always right and shouldn't be your guiding light. Secondly, your feelings don't have to dictate your actions. YOu can feel a certain way and make a conscious decision to act another way.
We do this all the time. For example, when my kids were little, I didn't always feel like reading them bedtime stories because i was tired or preoccupied. But because i wanted to be a good mom, I ignored my feelings and read anyway. In other words, I had a goal- to be a good mom- and I made a conscious decision to ignore my feelings that would have led me off the path to my goal.
You can do exactly the same thing. You can feel resentment about your husband's bad choices but realize that your resentment will push him farther away and therefore choose to act differently. Yes, it's hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. So, practice. Practice makes perfect, well, not exactly perfect. But it makes DBing a whole lot easier.
Hang in there. Michele
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