Here's something that Janey2 posted on another forum, that I thought belongs here, also!!
Quoting Janey2: JJ, having just stumbled across your question for me, I will answer.
You asked which part of Michele's wisdom helped me the most.
1) Firstly, I decided to accept some blame for my problem, even though I didn't really think it was my fault, we all know deep down that it takes two.
2)As far as Michele's advice, it was wonderful to read that divorce isn't the answer and that it is possible to turn things around. Without experience in this area, we all fear we are on the slippery slope. I would say to everyone, as Michele says, do not listen to well-meaning friends and family who think you have suffered enough, you've given it your best shot, etc. Tell them you need encouragement. They really do not know.
3) Michele's description of MLC was extremely comforting. To understand a bit of what was going on with my H gave me patience.
4) The first thing I did was to get myself a phone consultation. The advice Vernetta gave me was priceless. Her insight into my situation was what kept me going. She told me to change my behavior. I would not have known to do that. I learned to be careful with what I did and said. I had always been impulsive, and very "up front" before. I suppose this was a "180". I learned as I went along, because I repeated the behaviors which worked, as Michele says to do.
I also bought the "Marriage Breakthrough Tapes". They may not be overly geared to MLC, but I would recommend them to every couple, especially those who are young. I wish I had watched them 20 years ago. They are so full of good sense and guidance. The bit I liked the best is that we argue about the same things 25 years on in our marriage that we did at first. This is so true. I have now decided to give in on my big issue (he saves everything). It just isn't worth compromising your happiness over.
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!