Yes it has been beautiful weather down in Dixie. Cooler than normal and clear blue skies.

I had a very good week but the weekend was difficult for me. I had to see stbx at the ballgame Saturday and at church today.

I am doing so much better when I do not have to see her. When I see her and especially when she tries to be nice, I feel like vomitting. My anger and hate return big time. Just leave me alone.

I said little at the game and I sat apart from her. She wanted to talk - I did not. I am through with her and until forgiveness kicks back in (it was there last year but no more), I choose not to associate with a person who is intentionally hurting me and my kids.

Same at church. I had quit the church since it was too painful seeing her and her praying to God for the blessings in her life. How it is okay for her to divorce. Turns my stomach. But I needed to take S9 there today (my weekend with the kids) so I went. stbx sat next to us. What a farce - all together (D6 was with me too) like all the other families.

One interesting thing is that she gained weight. She had really slimmed down when she dropped the bomb but now she has gained it back and more (I had not seen her in a month). I read where ISLH's H gained weight and she took it as a positive sign that his life was in the toilet and that he may be inching home. I took my stbx weight gain the same way: her new rosy life is apparently not so rosy after all. And I smiled, shame on me.

She is not inching back. Even if she were, I have no desire to take her back any longer.

MMO left this on nicola's thread. It applies here.

Originally Posted By: MotherMovingOn
It didn't take much to remind me what a selfish, self serving man he is. he will not change in those deep ways and therefor our dynamic will never change. I know that if we were to reconcille all the things that made me unhappy before would still be there only now it would be worse because of the pain he has left in his wake and my new found resolution not to live with someone again who thinks of nothing but his own happiness. There's just no way for it ever to work between he and I again--for me this practical look helps me move on.


Jeff

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