I am so disappointed in your W's selfish behaviour. This is absurd. After all the time and effort that you put into those plans, I can't believe that she would dismiss them out of hand. Where I live, even though I will have full custody, we MUST make ALL decisions re. the kids together - even down to daycamps and afterschool acitivities! Of course, they can sleep over at his GF's apt every w/e, but that's another story.
You may find that in the year + it takes to get a court date, things will calm down enough for the two of you to be able to come to an agreement. I hope so.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan