Thanks ladies. I guess I needed a little validation. I try to use the "don't disagree, validate, and verbal judo" techniques to disarm, find some agreement and listen when someone is challenging me, but this was too much.
No ISLH, she did not agree to IC for the kids. She agreed that they *may* need it. I think when she thinks it through she will decide there is nothing wrong after all and IC is not needed. In her mind the kids are reacting to the separation *suddenly* so it MUST be that they are being mistreated (even molested???) when with me or *something* is going on when with me. She will never face the possibility that their reactions are due to finally realizing I am not coming home (and they have asked her and she told them no I was not - I don't know what else she tells them). In her mind the kids are perfectly fine with the D, never mind the overwhelming published evidence to the contrary.
I saw W at my son's baseball game yesterday. She sort of apologized for bringing up the stuff about the kids and she tried to make small talk but I was in no mood. She finally went to visit with her divorced friend whose son was also playing. I sat away from them during the game. After the game my W again tried to engage in some conversation but I was distant - I just did not care. This goes against what I want so I feel a bit low about it. I did compliment her on her clothes at one point but that felt so phoney.
Exciting game. Our team was down 10-5 in the last inning. Eight runs later we won 13-10! Great game but my son was 0 for 3 - three strikeouts. He was down to say the least. My W went out of her way to point out that S9 would feel down - like I would not realize it. I just shook my head - no anger.