Yep me again. The wonderful roller coaster rides never seem to stop do they.

I would like to thank Cat and running for the responses to my last post. I think my H is suffering from extreme depression and very low self esteem, which is due to my actions.

My H's Birthday is this Saturday. He said he wants to go golfing, and I said, of course! I was so happy that he is going to go. For the evening I was planning a nice evening at home for him, making his favorite dinner, birthday cake, nothing fancy and just spending time with him...

Unfortunatly, he has plans already. He is going on a date with another woman he met.

Now I find myself in a very difficult position. Considering I was the one who was unfaithful, how can I say anything about him doing the same thing? How can I discuss that this is not a good choice for him to make?

Basically his response was accept it or get out. I told him I can't stay in a destructive marriage like this any longer. This relationship is no longer healthy for either of us.

His response...I stayed after you betrayed me, I am staying even after all you have done, now I want to go out and date and you are leaving me, I stand beside you, and you are abandoing me just at the threat of dating another woman. Hypocrite!

He figures that I was allowed to do this, why is he not able to have the same freedom that I did? Also, to take it one step further, he says he is not doing out of revenge or to hurt me, it is something he needs to do for himself. It's not that he doesn't love me or care about me, but he needs this to be happy. In essence, I got to do this, and he stayed, now he gets to, and I better stand beside him while he does, and be happy about it. Talk about not taking any responsibility for his actions! He is going out on a date and is blaming me that he has to do this.

Am I loosing my mind here? My patience is running out. I feel like everyting is just falling apart. How the heck do you detach when your H is planning to date?

If I do try to detach, and not react, let's just say it makes him even more angry. If I detach from these actions and try not to let it bother me, then he thinks I don't care.

If I try to is stopped dead. Basically his defense with everything is I should not have cheated. I should not have destroyed the marriage. All of our marital problems are my fault. You get the idea.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone out there who has been cheated on. I am not trying to down play what I have done. I know he is hurt and angry, probably more than I can understand,

I just don't know what to do any longer.

I am beginning to question if I can save my marriage. If I can, at what cost? My own sanity and well being?

At a loss...