Drum Roll Please

This in my 1000th post! Somehow that is hard to believe. But so be it.

I continue to feel very good. Got my taxes done (I owed $$) and am finishing up the D-papers. Life is good. But I will be honest - I continue to picture my family all back together and it is hard to accept that this is a done deal. My W and I are getting along quite well lately so it is easier to stay detached. I also feel good about supporting her decision that she needs to do this.

She has problems with eye contact and is very uneasy around me - tells me she is doubting her course but she cannot change it. She is still trying to tell herself her feelings are gone. That is okay. We sat together at my son's ballgame and I was very upbeat and asked her about her life. She went on and on like old times. Never really asked about me - her focus is on her. That is also okay. At one point I moved to sit with my son (he was running the scoreboard since his hand is still in a cast) and she followed there.

I do dread getting the final D decree. I note so many of those I follow take a drop after the judge signs. I guess I still believe deep down that the nightmare will end but when the judge signs it is indeed more than a piece of paper (despite what I tell myself) - it is a death certificate of sorts. Thus we mourn all over again. I do not look forward to that.

Baseball Annie - I hope you are still lurking here. I suspected you also took a dive after the judge signed. You are so strong and that is why I fear getting that final decree. But you still on strong and you were there for me when I needed it. Sometimes we come here to vent and we just want others to say it will be okay. But other times we need that 2x4. You always seemed to know when to hit me upside the head - and while it hurt I was better for it. Thank you. Please start a thread again - I miss reading my horoscope! I also offer my email should you need it: jbg223 at knology.net

Strength and Honor all. On to my 2000th post!!!


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