Feel this is where I should be.

[Lost_for_now]

Night time is some of the hardest time for me to get through. It is when I find myself alone and thinking about her the most. This should really be my clue to make sure that I am busy during these times so that it is easier.

Sometimes I just want to think about her, even though I know it will hurt. I guess this is part of the process of getting through it.

I am fighting really hard to not email herright now. Actually what I really want to do is call her but what a complete mess that would be. Man, if it didn't hurt so much I would almost laugh at what a terrible idea calling her would be.

She has been away for six months and I really get down on myself because I feel like I should be so much farther along in this process. We were only married for 14 months when she walked out, I shouldn't be this pathetic!

How in the world does someone throw in the towel after 14 months?

I have another bad habit which is to go over old emails between us. I have looked back at emails she had sent me a week before she walked out. They were perfectly normal, even was sure to end each one with 'I love you'

A day before she dropped the bomb she couldn't eat and her stomach was bothering her. I figure she felt this incredible need to drop the bomb and it was affecting her physical health. I obviously never put two and two together.

I feel lucky to have a place like this where I can just come and unload all of this junk.

She gets home tomorrow from her business trip and I will not hear from her. I am pretty sure OM will though.