To this I'd have to say that if you do truly love your W and want to be with her, wouldn't you want her to be happy??? And wouldn't you want to share in her happiness? I would definitely listen to what she has to say if you're trying to get her back. If you're not interested, why do you want to be with her? (Or am I misunderstanding and do you mean when S talks about OP?) If your W wants to reconnect and you're trying to save your M, I would jump at the chance - ALTHOUGH don't make it so obvious. You can seem interested by asking questions, but not overly interested. Like someone else said, when S gives an inch, don't take a mile. If you want to p*ss her off, then go ahead and tell her you're not interested (not recommended).
I think I did a lousy job explaining what is in my head. What I mean to say is, I would love for her to tell me things, and I am genuinely interested in what makes her happy and how her job is going etc. I would love for her to tell me that!
However, I would NOT love it if I was only hearing it because she thought she was 'being friendly' or something like that. In other words, I think I would fall into the trap of assigning too much importance on it because it's what I want so much.
So, the same thing might apply in your situation too. You mentioned that your H cannot talk to OW about certain things like his job. So then your task becomes not reading too much into what he is doing right?
I guess what I'm really saying is, how do you really separate being happy for them from wanting to be with them again?
Thanks again for replying to me!
Me-38 W-31 No Kids Bomb-10/10/06 She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.