To this I'd have to say that if you do truly love your W and want to be with her, wouldn't you want her to be happy??? And wouldn't you want to share in her happiness? I would definitely listen to what she has to say if you're trying to get her back. If you're not interested, why do you want to be with her? (Or am I misunderstanding and do you mean when S talks about OP?) If your W wants to reconnect and you're trying to save your M, I would jump at the chance - ALTHOUGH don't make it so obvious. You can seem interested by asking questions, but not overly interested. Like someone else said, when S gives an inch, don't take a mile. If you want to p*ss her off, then go ahead and tell her you're not interested (not recommended).
Again, this is a sitch that I'm also dealing with. My H recently seems to be talking more to me about his work, which has become his life (I think because of money issues and people involved, he can't talk to OW about it because she hasn't met the people he's talking about and maybe he doesn't know if he can trust her yet talking about how much money he makes/will potentially make). The difference between you and me, I guess, is that I am interested in how his work is going and how well he is doing. I want him to succeed in his new ventures and if him telling me about it makes him feel good, then that's fine with me, even though I can't really share in his happiness because of our sitch. But because I know I wasn't supportive enough regarding his career in the past, I am showing him that I have changed by being supportive of him now. And I can only hope that it will help us to reconnect, because it's better than having no contact and who knows where it could lead.
Hope that helps you with your question.
M: 33 MLC/WAH: 33 M 6 yrs, together 12 2 kids: 5,2 Bomb #1: 4/06 - "I don't love you anymore", almost S Bomb #2: 7/06 - EA/PA since late 05, kicked H out/S Bomb #3: 1/07 - "No longer have any feelings for you. It's over.", living w/OW, no talk of D