One other thing about journaling via email and sending it to her. She said on one of her replies that she reads them and likes to keep up on how I'm doing. So that's just another reason (as if I needed another one) to quit. She shouldn't get to keep tabs on me. Maybe that's being bitter, but that's how I feel.

I often wonder, if I was in her position how would I handle it? Impossible to answer, since I simply would never cheat on someone. Especially not a spouse!

But even if we move this into the 'hypothetical' realm I would never string it out. If I was 'not thinking clearly' (as most here believe their spouses are not) then I would move full steam ahead! I would walk up to the spouse, say "listen, I am going to start seeing someone else. I am moving out, and I am filing for divorce as soon as possible."

That's it. Clean break. Maybe that's just unrealistic. But if it is, then how should it be done? It's never going to be easy, and the LBS is always going to be hurt, so what to do? Sometimes I think "well, if she is really and truly unhappy and she just doesn't want to be unhappy anymore then maybe I should just let her go?"

Another thing I thought of is that we have no children. That means that after the D is final I will have no need for contact with her. It'll be great for DB and GAL, but it isn't what I want. I want her back, and I won't get it if there's no reason for her to contact me anymore. She will simply move on with her life (with OM) and I will eventually do the same.

One of the times we emailed recently she mentioned something about getting an annulment. She only brought it up because I am Catholic and my mom made her feel guilty (W's words) about the fact that the church doesn't look very kindly on divorce. So apparently if we both agree that there were expectations on children before the marriage and I changed my mind on having/raising them then we can get the M annuled. I said to her that even if that was legally true I would never agree to that because it simply isn't true! Through the limited amount of DB'ing and GAL that I have been doing one of the biggest things to come out of it is that I really want kids!

She replied that that wasn't the case before and even though I say it now she has no way of knowing if it is true. That's when something else occurred to me. She may very well not CARE if I want kids now or not! She's already (presumably) with OM, so whether I want kids anymore is irrelevant. But, she might SAY that she cannot trust that it is true to validate what she is doing (in her own mind).

Yes, I know I am overanalyzing here. But this is just journaling really and better I say it here than to her!


Current thread

Me-38
W-31
No Kids
Bomb-10/10/06
She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.