I went against all better judgement and sent her an email last night. I have been sort of sending her these 'journaling' emails and they really help me. Sometimes she replies, sometimes not. Doesn't matter; they are for me and my growth. I do not argue, I do not beg and plead. I just really am getting things down on 'paper' that are in my head.
Journaling is great. I write letters to my H that I never give to him. I express my thoughts on this site just to get them out of my head and reread them to see how crazy they sound. I think you should continue to journal, but I think you should ABSOLUTLEY STOP sharing your journals with her! Like you said, they are for YOU and your growth. I don't think you are accomplishing anything by having her read them too. Even if you are writing about how much you've changed, etc., it's useless unless she sees it in your actions.
Originally Posted By: Lost_for_now
I think a lot of us here fall victim to seeing a lot of reactions from our spouses as positive steps or 'baby steps' or whatever when in fact they are nothing of the kind. Speaking for myself, I think every move that I thought was positive was just her trying to be nice in order to 'help me' through this. It is the same idea as them wanting to remain 'friends' I think.
I do the same. It's overanalyzing the situation. I think it was OSU who told me to just take those "positive steps" for what they are and NOTHING MORE. Need to really work on this myself, so not really allowed to bash you on this subject.
Hang in there - it's not over yet. If you want someone to read what's in your head, put it down here on this site - not in an email to her!
M: 33 MLC/WAH: 33 M 6 yrs, together 12 2 kids: 5,2 Bomb #1: 4/06 - "I don't love you anymore", almost S Bomb #2: 7/06 - EA/PA since late 05, kicked H out/S Bomb #3: 1/07 - "No longer have any feelings for you. It's over.", living w/OW, no talk of D