Jeff, I've never had the opportunity to read your thread before coming across you on WCW's thread. You are definitely an incredible person.
I don't know what the "rules" are in Alabama but here in Alaska paying bills for your wife wouldn't be considered child support. It would just be paying bills for your wife. It is only considered child support if given to the other partner to spend on the children's care. And, I know a few people who made the error of paying the support in cash...not trackable...and ended up in arrears but we have a real child support gestapo system in this state.
I can so feel for you right now. I ended up finishing the D now XH wanted. Maybe he never would have filed, I'll never know, but we were in the middle of a major move, after 23 years in the house we raised our family in, when I got the ILYBINILWY speech and how he didn't want to be married. We had sold one piece of property we owned to make a down on our new house and XH blew threw it all. Current house was about to go on the market and I had to move so I filed a court petition asking him to come home and go to marriage counseling. His response was "No" so it became a D petition. I don't know why I might have expected anything else but I had to make one last ditch effort.
It's been 1-1/2 years since the gavel fell in court. Even there, when the judge asks if you agree it is irreconciliable, I said no I didn't believe that, but our state laws say if one person wants a divorce the other must acquiesce....so, I acquiesce to his wishes.
I still care and I still miss him. Spent half my life with him and I don't think there is any replacing what we had. We honestly had a pretty darn good life. I think he was/is in MLC. He is going home this month for his dad's memorial service. His dad was ill over the last few years, passed away last November, and he's helping his mom, made the down payment on a new place for her to live where she is close enough to drive herself around to places she needs to go, etc. Not sure if their old house has sold yet. I told him I'm very proud of him for helping his mom.
I hope your current situation goes smoothly for you. There are certainly ups and downs.