"You going overseas on a trip with the guy you are having an affair with makes it clear you are wanting to invest time, money and energy in that relationship. I am heart broken that our marriage has got to the point where you are more interested in someone else than me. I am committed to our marriage and working with you to get back what we have lost and creating something far more incredible than either of us ever imagined.
I love you deeply and want the best for you.
I need to also treat myself with respect and honour my own boundaries. I cannot work on our marriage alone, and if your priority is to explore other relationships outside our marriage before investing in our relationship, then I won't wait around as your back up. I deserve more than that for my future.
I may not be perfect, but I love you. You can choose him, or you can choose me. You are free. However, you can't choose both.
One of the things I require for someone to be in an intimate relationship with me is monogamy. If you want an intimate relationship with me, then I require that from you. If you don't want that with me anymore, it will hurt me to the core of my being. I love you. I'll grieve deeply.
And, I will let you go, and move on. There are other women who would choose to be monogamous with me. I'll be okay. I'm a great guy with friends and family who love me, I'm growing and learning all the time, and I've got an exciting life ahead of me.
This is the moment when you choose if you want to be part of it."
Thoughts?
Ok let’s say you give her the above letter and she goes anyway. Than what? Because that’s what she is going to do?
Do not sent her the letter. She already knows how you feel. You’ve said all this before, no need to repeat it to her.
The last line, the ultimatum - “This is the moment when you choose if you want to be part of it.” - will not work. It will not snap her awake and stop her from this path. It will likely propel her justification for going. Her straying from her vows, marriage, and commitment took time to come about and will take time to turn around too.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
D, LH et al: I didn’t send the note and there she goes. I have already as you say clearly communicated what I needed to with words. I’m sad. But encouraged that I’m going to be ok. Now to live life well.
