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Originally Posted by Mach40
I read this quote "But letting go is not giving up. You don't have to give up to let go. Letting go means that you become the picnic. The lighthouse. You are no longer moving TOWARDS them, but they know where you are and can move towards you if they ever decide to. The analogies of the picnic and the lighthouse are perfect metaphors for letting go (stop moving towards them!), but not giving up."
I think this is for the DB envisioning her seeing what she has left, and will come back.
Yep, I am a mess..
Mach I think the picnic and the Lighthouse analogies are great for the newbies who are spinning. If you are still looking at these analogies years down the road than you may be stuck. There are a lot of women looking for a good dude to spend some time with and appreciate him.

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Originally Posted by BL42
Mach40,

Sorry you're struggling. It's a process, especially considering how long you two were together. You're going to have ups and downs. You got some excitement about talking to a new woman and then thought about those rose colored glasses, but when that high went away you came down and thought about the "what ifs" and ExW's new relationship. The key is to be trending positive over time. It can be tough to let go. It's natural to want things between ExW and her new guy to fail. Eventually if you can focus on enjoying your life you won't worry about that as much over time.

Hang in there.
I am going to do my best. I cant expect everyone here to cheer me on when needed. I do truly appreciate getting great advice
It really helps.


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
I read this quote "But letting go is not giving up. You don't have to give up to let go. Letting go means that you become the picnic. The lighthouse. You are no longer moving TOWARDS them, but they know where you are and can move towards you if they ever decide to. The analogies of the picnic and the lighthouse are perfect metaphors for letting go (stop moving towards them!), but not giving up."
I think this is for the DB envisioning her seeing what she has left, and will come back.
Yep, I am a mess..
Mach I think the picnic and the Lighthouse analogies are great for the newbies who are spinning. If you are still looking at these analogies years down the road than you may be stuck. There are a lot of women looking for a good dude to spend some time with and appreciate him.
Thanks. I was trying to look at different threads that give me some light at yhe end of the tunnel.
I do appreciate everyones help, guidance


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Hello Mach

I do like the lighthouse. Solid foundation. Able to withstand the storms of life. Secure in its footings. Shines brightly. Does not run after lost sailors or folks to rescue.

Standing is not standing still.

At first, we are so hurt that we stand for our marriage and spouse; it’s the default position. We promise anything under the sun if only God, fate, the universe, etc, would just turn our spouse around and restore things. (Ah, bargaining. The last vestige of trying to feel the old normal before we move on to depression. Such is the normal process of grief.)

Eventually, one heals.

When one heals enough to stand down, is when standing really starts. IMHO. This when one’s convictions are tested. Some stand for a short while; some a long while; and some are covenant keepers, upholding their vows until death do part. We all find our path which serves. (Some folks mistake their temporary feeling of indifference as being over and fully let go. Indifference does roll back, and feeling so return.)

Letting go and acceptance comes. And hopefully forgiveness as well. This ushers in much peace and contentment, and a pretty fantastic life and outlook. (This is the good time to consider dating. Being healed before starting up with someone new.)

Dating or not, standing or not, are not indicative of how stuck one is or how free one is. One is stuck if their life, and life’s feedback are not what they want, and they are not efforting towards their goals. Rinse and repeat behaviours with the same unwanted outcomes seem a rather stuck situation.

A lighthouse stands. As an analogy: It doesn’t run after life, rather life comes to it. I like that serenity.

(Of course, vacations, trips, outings, etc. all happen. I’m speaking more the emotional journey of the shining lighthouse. smile )

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Last edited by DnJ; 10/18/22 12:40 AM.

Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Please start a new thread and link to it.


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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