I wanted this on this thread to complete my thoughts on the current mood...
Eagle....When we last talked, I was speaking of you deciding what , when, where, and how you wanted this to go.
I see more of that in YOUR actions now, and I see a small amount of it in his actions. I still wonder though what he feels his roadblocks are at this point.
I see him fearing the judgement, and not knowing how to piece the remnants of his previous life together again with who he has become. Or rather, becoming....
I sense him struggling to have some answers to his own scrambled puzzle, and I wonder how much of that you are directing, and how much he is directing. Kind of like waking up after a weekend bender in college and wondering "where am I, how the hell did I get there, and where are my keys at? " Then trying to fit the timeline into what he remembers and how he feels about it.
Thing is, most of that, are still his answers that he has to work toward, and I feel like he is trying to get them from what he remembers as the "old" version of you. And this new version is surprising him and intriguing him a bit. Yet he is fearing the repercussions of what has been, and is relying on you to fix this for him. And while that might work for a while, it is the most common reason for a "touch and go", that lacking of accountability for his part in this. Which BTW is entirely necessary for him to do if there is any hope of a relationship between the two of you.
With YOUR answers for him ? , I think that you could possibly allow him to slip back in without dealing with that. ^^^
Don't do his work , else he will view this as an easy path home....
Most MLCers that I have talked to, have come back with HARD pursuit trying to get back their life, and I'm just not getting that sense from what you have typed. I see pieces of him pursuing, albeit very timidly and scared. That tells me that he wants it if it is easy for him. There has been an abundance of LBS that have gotten to this point and decided that their answers didn't involve the MLCer too. One of the reasons that we have always said that the LBS holds all of the power in the end.
I'm interested in how the weekend thing is going to be for you. What discussions are had, and how many questions are asked, compared to how many are answered. In what way the answers come, and how much time is invested into the answers. Accountability, ownership, honesty, and acceptance of what happened to his life, your life, and your life together.
Be extremely careful that you aren't answering those for him completely. His answers still need to be his answers. Obviously answer some of the questions, yet talks of the future or a relationship should be driven by him, to see what is going through his head. What he envisions and is working toward. To see if he runs away from those again. If he runs, then the touch and go will be present and you will have some quiet time in your future once again.
When the MLCer comes out of the tunnel, the LBS is light years ahead of them in relationship skills. Your skills should intimidate him slightly. That in itself can be viewed as an arrogance, so be careful with that. You aren't better or worse than him through this, just approaching from a different place. He needs to see you as a contemporary instead of an enemy. His fight will be to catch up if his pursuit is hard. With his words and actions matching precisely...
The Lighthouse is there, not to steer, only to let the Captain know there is an obstacle to navigate.
And I know it sounded as if I was pushing you for those answers, yet it wasn't for no reason.
You need to strive to be a "locked door to a candy store"
You can only take this so far, and your answers will drive how far you take it. HE needs to do the majority of the groundwork from here. Only if that is what you want also....
Nothing has truly been gained that has not been fought for....
Your fight for self has been over the last several years.
What you gained was a life anticipated to be filled full of happiness and peace.
One that you fought hard to earn...
If that effort isn't reciprocated, then your fight for self will all be for not....
