Got it. Definitely understand how it can seem that way. As part of the back story, one of the things that my W always wanted was a Godly husband. And that I was NOT. Although I grew up in the church, I never had a real relationship with God. Even went through a 10+ year period where I even considered myself an atheist. That changed after the A and I'm now very involved with my church and have a real relationship with God. My W even continued to push me to work with the people in our church after the A and I did. I'm glad I did. That was good for me and our family.
So now, the first place I go when there is problem is to God and our church. That apparently doesn't work so well for her. I'm not trying to control her and I don't want to control her. I have even told her that I consider our relationship to be under the supervision of our church and I will not do anything without first discussing it with our pastors. And that's what I've done. I work very hard to be accountable for my faults in the R. She does not. She did not talk to anyone in our church before she made the decision to talk to OM on the phone. She did not talk to anyone in our church before she decided to go see him while he was working at Walmart one night. I wish she had because she would have received wise counsel. She is given complete freedom to make whatever choices she want. But when I learn that she is making choices that go against what we (she supposedly) believes, then I will take it to the one place I know I will get.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
So this guy has had two A’s, he has lost his business (trainer for triathletes; all his clients left after learning of the 2nd A), was living on a vacant lot in someones trailer and was stocking shelves at Walmart at night. A TOTAL F’ing loser. Any yet my W is still talking to him (I don't know if its more) and putting him on a pedestal (the email I read would make you gag). Its very clear to me that she never got over him and properly dealt with the A on her end and THAT is why we never were able to move on from the A.
It's pretty normal for the AP to be a step down. My friend's X got together with a convicted con man / yard laborer (yes, she learned the hard way).
My other reaction is please make sure D17 has access to help and resources. She may really benefit from having somebody to talk to privately about her feelings that she has bottled up for so long.
Please stick to one thread until you have reached 100 postings/replies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My other reaction is please make sure D17 has access to help and resources. She may really benefit from having somebody to talk to privately about her feelings that she has bottled up for so long.
Both daughters see a therapist once, if not twice a month. I know the younger daughter talked about this most recent incident (seeing the email) with her therapist the same day she spoke to me about it but I don't know if she ever talked about the A with her therapist before that. As far as I know, my older daughter does not know (she is 19).
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Remember me? All I can say now is: If I had a time machine, things would be radically different. Are we ok now? Yeah, I guess. But was it worth the PTSD?
Thats a big fat no.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
