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Dilly! Are you still here? I need to catch up on your sitch but I wanted to drop in and say hi! I've thought about you often.
Hugs,
Hope


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Hi Hope, thanks for checking in! As you can see, I wandered off for a while, I came back to update today because of my news. Getting out of limbo at last!
OK, last time I was getting fed up of new man. I dumped him, he couldn't accept my feelings about lockdown 2. I was depressed because I realised that we were going to have a lockdown of sorts during the depths of winter and that things wouldn't improve till at least March. I'm sorry that I was right. Lockdown 3 was tough, winter is depressing enough without taking all the fun out of it. Anyway, I didn't like that my man couldn't support me through a difficult time. He was all like 'yeah it's really tough for me too'. Ugh, just let me be upset without cheering me up! So I told him that I wasn't in a position to be in an R. I probably wasn't. It was a difficult time. Covid rule changes messed with my head. Ds2's school shut for 2 weeks. Then lockdown 3 hit. Ds1 wasn't able to go back to uni. Everything shut. All fun banned. It was horrible. The only good thing was that ds1 started coming out for walks with me occasionally. He still is.
Christmas and H had asked if he could come and stay for 2 nights over Christmas. I reluctantly said yes. He arranged to get his dog looked after. Then the covid rules all changed as cases rocketed. H said he couldn't get rid of the dog. He came to visit on Christmas eve and said he wouldn't stay. I was really cross because he gave some ridiculous excuses, and felt like he cancelled on the kids at the last minute. But on Christmas day I woke up with a feeling of peace. Had a lie in. Put the turkey on and went running with a friend and her husband. Light as a bird. Came home and opened presents over facetime with H and then the kids came for a lovely walk with me. Then home and big dinner and we played games. It's actually the best Christmas I've EVER had. Because H wasn't there. Going to start a new post because this is long

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OK, so it's lockdown 3 and I'm single again and a bit fed up! I did a bit of online dating but nobody wanted to meet up. Then I swiped right on someone I liked the look of, even though his profile was blank (I have a rule to not swipe on someone with a blank profile!). Met up with him and I was feeling poorly due to allergies. He said he found me very attractive and we danced around meeting up at his flat, it was quite funny. I was helping out at school with testing (even though ds2 was at home online learning) so I had plenty of negative tests and my kids never go out, he similarly didn't really see anyone indoors so we decided it might be technically illegal but was safe. I really liked him and we had unbelievably good sex. Like the best I've ever had. He went kind of quiet and I figured he has commitment issues. We met up again, still unbelievably good sex. I don't know why I find him so attractive because although he's quite clever and funny and good company, he is very closed off. Like he hasn't ever talked about his daughter or his ex to me. So hmm, really not sure about him, but the chemistry! OMG. He goes radio silent for 2 weeks and I leave him alone. My ego is hurt, plus what was all that great sex about?

In the meantime, someone I'd matched with and chatted with over text asked if I wanted to meet for a walk. I said yes since I figured it probably wasn't going anywhere with unbelievably sexy man (he's not unbelievably sexy, just I find him so, it's weird). I figured this new man sounded a bit lonely and might want a friend, I like making new friends. Interestingly enough, this one also had a blank profile! Though some lovely photos, he's an artist. I met him for a walk and actually really liked him, we got on very comfortably. He asked if I wanted to come back to his place and I said maybe next time (I had lots of work on). So a week or so later I did meet him at his place and he is also very good in bed (though not as mindblowingly so as USM!). He is also very sweet, very open, very calm and there is something about him which makes him very relaxing to be with. He likes to admire my body in bed, I'm not sure I've ever been with someone who admires my body like this! Well, he is an artist smile I've met him one more time, he does not pursue me relentlessly like my last boyfriend of last year, but he keeps in regularly touch unlike USM. I feel quite chilled out about this relationship, it's the first one so far I've just been relaxed about. I figure either it will work out or it won't, and if it won't there are plenty more men out there. But I have a good feeling about this man, I can see us having a future together but both having our own lives to live. He is a widower, his wife having died suddenly about 18 months ago. He's in a remarkably good place about it considering.
Oh, and USM texted me on Friday wondering what I was up to. Men! I deserve better than USM, his behaviour is pretty shabby really. I am not a booty call. I want a relationship with someone who respects me and my time, and wants me in their life. I'm going to tell USM this.

Right, now to the H update! My love life takes precedence lol. This is my future, H is my past

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lol @ dillydaf, glad you are having wonderful adventures. I feel quite silly now about all the time I spent writing my dating profiles when I have online dated, lol. They must have had compelling pics to pique your interest without a written profile. I could imagine a visual artist saying much without words. All this speaks to a resilient headspace. You could imagine someone else being unable to break it off with lockdown #2 man or unbelievably hurt by sexy man. You are navigating it in a playful way while searching out meaning.

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OK, so I have been putting off my lawyer for a few months now. H refused to see the kids during lockdown 3 at all. I asked him when he was going to see them and he muttered something about infection rates being too high. I pointed out that they NEVER GO OUT so couldn't possibly have covid and then told him I was going to drop them down to save him the journey. He did say thank you afterwards, to give him his due. He had barely seen them in 2 or 3 months and I thought it was important for everyone's sake for the kids to see him. But basically I didn't see him for 3 months really, I saw him a week ago but only for half an hour and he had his stupid dog trying to get run over so it didn't seem a suitable time. Then today he came over to see the kids and I asked if he wanted to go for a walk, he said yes. Halfway through he said he wanted to get the divorce ball rolling. I said yes, that would be good, and that I had always loved him and probably always will, that he's an important part of my life but we should get divorced. Phew. He said he didn't want to discuss details but I did get out of him that he has been sort of job hunting but without success (he left with a cloud over his head and press scandal after the political stuff in his last job), but that he would work again despite his health issues. Well, he has to if he wants a divorce! He also said that he won't be staying in our little second home and wants to sell it, and I said that I want to buy him out of it if possible. He agreed, I need to work out if it's feasible financially but I really want that house! I love it there, though I can't live there till both kids have left home properly as it's too small. I also said I wanted slightly more than half of everything as I would be responsible for the kids for some years to come, even if technically ds1 is an adult and ds2 not far off. He muttered something about wanting to not be ripped off and I assured him that all I wanted was fairness and that his earning capacity is many times mine. So hopefully we can keep it amicable. If nothing else, he might play ball just to keep costs down. I will keep reiterating that I want things to be fair for everyone and that our relationship with the kids and each other is worth being nice over money. Hopefully that will work. He is a bully though, so who knows. I will get half even if he's horrible about it, the law is pretty clear there.

Then he left and I realised we hadn't talked to the kids so I told them and that nothing would change for them. It wasn't out of the blue as I'd mentioned the possibility of D to both kids over the last month or two. Ds2 looked unphased and ds1 looked upset and locked himself in his room. I texted H and asked him to ring him and reassure him, which he did whilst saying I should have waited till he was there (he's not coming till ds2's birthday in 2 weeks!). Eventually I coaxed ds1 out of his room and we drove off for a walk and in the car I told him that I was relieved his dad wanted a D, that I was happier not living with him because he was unhappy and that infected us all, that it has been 2.5 years and it's time to move things along, and that I love my life and him and his brother. That I will always have a bedroom for him even after he leaves home whenever he needs it, that financially nothing will change for him, that I am so so proud of him and his brother for being incredible human beings who have inherited the best bits of both me and H and that we both love them very much. Then we both cried a little bit. Then we went for a walk and I made him laugh and it hailed on us on and off and I gave him my pink scarf and purple gloves and gave him a big hug which he submitted to. He seemed much happier afterwards even though he didn't talk. He never talks about feelings, it worries me. Then we had a roast dinner and watched telly together, and I made them promise to watch Toy Story 4 with me tomorrow to celebrate Mother's Day.
So, that's my update. It's been an emotional day. I've been working ridiculously hard the last 2 weeks on a deadline so I am exhausted and emotional and wanting to get this work done so I can relax and process all this stuff. I told ds1 that I'm happier than I was when H lived with us, and that is really the truth. He is such a troubled man, but I'm no longer responsible for any of his troubles. That freedom is wonderful smile

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
lol @ dillydaf, glad you are having wonderful adventures. I feel quite silly now about all the time I spent writing my dating profiles when I have online dated, lol. They must have had compelling pics to pique your interest without a written profile. I could imagine a visual artist saying much without words. All this speaks to a resilient headspace. You could imagine someone else being unable to break it off with lockdown #2 man or unbelievably hurt by sexy man. You are navigating it in a playful way while searching out meaning.


Ooh, hello CWarrior, nice to see an old face! No, you absolutely should write something sensible for your dating profiles, you have to have something extra going for you to get over the lack of words! Words are important and tell you a lot, it's just funny that I broke my rules and ended up dating both of them smile

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