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kto626 Offline OP
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Sandi:

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However, the transparency plan is your design. Make sense?


It makes total sense. My plan is to literally use the word transparency.

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you can tell her you need all her passwords to her accounts (email, SM, phone activity, etc.). Now, remember, she is the cheater, not you. If she starts talking about it being an invasion of privacy, I want you to realize she's really talking about invasion of secrecy.


This does make me uneasy. I don't want to police her but I understand why I should. When I spoke to my IC, which by the way he agrees with EVERYTHING on his board that I have told him. He tells me the same exact things you guys do, he told me to hold off on that conversation so that it can be discussed with him (he was our old MC and will be again once we get there). He said if that is something I want, then it is fair to ask for it.

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How can you have it both ways? It seems to me that you are really seeing the IC for MC.


My IC was our previous MC. We saw him for 4 months before BD, stopped, and then went back after BD. After the 3rd session and her continuing to have contact with the OM, he recommended to me that I stop (I called him a few days after and asked his opinion and that is what he said). I asked if he would be my IC since he knew both of us. He agreed and the plan is to go back to him for MC. I would then find another IC.

Hi advice right now: don't talk to her unless it is about our D. Leave her alone and she should leave me alone. He doesn't know that she is going to end contact so I will see what he says next.

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Frankly, I think you don't know what to do and just want MC to fix things. That's understandable


Partly true but I think I know what I need to do. Take time, take things slow, continue my work and allow her to continue hers. Set the boundaries/expectations on transparency. Trust but verify everything and make her work on us more than I work on us.

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job Offline
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Affair Fog-LRT 4

Last edited by job; 04/10/20 08:59 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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