Steve85, can you put one of your links that may be able to explain the phase I am in that you went through. I think my wife is having second guesses and such and is really confused. So many factors in life, from security to health insurance are playing parts in her mind... I think even though she has left the marriage, she is doing a weigh and close on us, as well as moving on to an unknown partner in life, if we get divorced, of which I think it is.
Steve85, Man, reading your thread brings allot of heartache to my current situation. One key thing is the time of our separation is technically about 2.5 years. She has been in and out of the house 3 times.. This is the last time, as I plan on selling the house, and finding something where my kids will want to come and chill, grand kids too. I saw this quote "My gut tells me I may not have the patience or long suffering to wait for her. Though she continues to reluctantly lean toward staying and working on the MR, she still has her fantasy of a new life at 50yo. (she turns 50 next month). Having her own place, etc. I think as I've improved things here at home (and they have been 10 times better since BD) she has started let go of that a bit, but changing your mind is hard to do. She isn't quite ready to buckle in for the long haul yet. " I may not want to continue this. I love her, truly do, and I love what she has become, the women I initially thought I married. Other than leaving me and the EA issue.. She has become the strong working, take no prisoners wife. She has said she is a changed woman. She is on top of everything being said in threads here. The only thing she has noticed as of late is I have changed. I told her, as I am overseas working, that I was going out, site seeing and doing some old hobbies of mine, watching races. She was excited for me. Made me feel like she was thinking, great, he is moving on.. I do need to quite analyzing. But, If she is depressed, MLC etc and she doesnt want me to be there, here, etc for/with her, moving on is the easiest thing to do, and somehow let her know, I am done. There has to be a way to convey my thoughts to her without her thinking I am pursuing her etc. But, I need to move on, for the betterment of me.... Too much drama, time consumption of my life..
Patience is the key. You have to work the process. It doesn't matter if you are 2.5 years in or if things turnaround fairly quickly like they did for me. Again, I started DBing 2 days after BD. Most LBSs come here after weeks and months of the usual mistakes.Every mistake is a big setback. I had many, no question. But after 2 days I started working to detach. I really bought into GAL in a way I hadn't in years, and obviously 180'd on bad behavior.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Patience is the key. You have to work the process. It doesn't matter if you are 2.5 years in or if things turnaround fairly quickly like they did for me. Again, I started DBing 2 days after BD. Most LBSs come here after weeks and months of the usual mistakes.Every mistake is a big setback. I had many, no question. But after 2 days I started working to detach. I really bought into GAL in a way I hadn't in years, and obviously 180'd on bad behavior.
Okay. Patience and work the program. Just seems difficult, and God knows what she is thinking. I need to get home, get the book and follow a guideline. I have a whole bunch of notes on my laptop. Its like cramming for a final. But this final is a Make it or Break it.
Patience is the key. You have to work the process. It doesn't matter if you are 2.5 years in or if things turnaround fairly quickly like they did for me. Again, I started DBing 2 days after BD. Most LBSs come here after weeks and months of the usual mistakes.Every mistake is a big setback. I had many, no question. But after 2 days I started working to detach. I really bought into GAL in a way I hadn't in years, and obviously 180'd on bad behavior.
Okay. Patience and work the program. Just seems difficult, and God knows what she is thinking. I need to get home, get the book and follow a guideline. I have a whole bunch of notes on my laptop. Its like cramming for a final. But this final is a Make it or Break it.
You have the right idea. The most important thing is to learn. Many of us became voracious readers. R2C was probably the most voracious, but I was going through 2-3 books a month myself. Some on relationships, some on self-improvements, etc.
Most books took me a week or less to read. That is part of your GAL, read read read.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Getting a life also involves health.. Once I get out, go fishing, hiking, shooting or whatever it will improve my mind.. I need a vacation too. Havent had one in years. If all works out with wife and I, I hope to report back in the future.. Actually regardless, I will report here as much as I can.. And IC will help me go forward, once I tell him where I want to go..
MOst of all, keep working at DBing. The better you get at DBing the better you'll feel. And in the vast majority of cases it has a huge effect on the WAS too.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Lets hope so. After 2.5 years, I am actually feeling good about me, but not so sure where she is in her life is ever going to be on the same path.. But, quit analyzing, and go forward.. Went shopping today for some nice shirts... Felt good, had coffee and people watched with co worker... Good times getting out of the house, hotel etc..
