I don't see how making long term plans means anything right now. I personally would just listen and validate or stand up if something doesn't make sense. Definitely think first though at all times and come back later.
For me it is day to day and hard to make plans while in limbo.
First off don’t worry about other couples. My 3 closest married friends are very unhappy in their marriage. One is planning on leaving and the other two are to scared to leave.
You’ll know if your reconciling. If your unsure you are not. Limbo is bad for people with anxiety because your mind will take you to the worst places. Are you practicing meditation?
Take the focus off your W and put it on you and your children.
So if its true, neither spouse is ever really happy. If its true, Im likely to find another avoidant and her another anxious, leading to more divorces and turmoil for the kids.
Hi Core, it doesn't work quite like this. Anxious and Avoidant are roles in a relationship--they are not who you are. "Early patterns of attachment, in turn, shape—but do not determine—the individual's expectations in later relationships." In my last several years of dating, I was the Avoidant in a 5-yr relationship, the Anxious in a 2.5-yr relationship, and now I'm in a new 2-month relationship where I'm not anxious.
I seem to switch styles between relationships. It's like.. okay.. had my fill of (high safety) or (high excitement) for a moment--let's have a bit more of the opposite for a spell.
It's a work in progress, but standing made me less of an anxious or avoidant partner. I'd like to say I'm in the "Secure" range now, but I'll let that sit a bit before deciding.
