I have an anxious attachment style and he's an avoidant. We took vows for all the wrong reasons. As a WAH he's learned nothing so he's attracted another anxious person. Stable people don't sleep with married men and two avoidants won't work. So if he moves her in this cycle continues only this time it will be worse (kids and 30 years of baggage).
kas ~ I think many of us were the anxious one in the anxious-avoidant MR. This is why pursuer-distancer is so common.
If you think of this in DB terms, DB is all about working to become more secure. Focus on you. Focus on becoming more secure. Then your next great relationship (whether a R for with someone new) will have a more solid footing and you will be happier.
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Why do we do this? Why do we put more effort into filling a void out of loneliness or boredom instead of strength and character building with time, effort, experience, and emotional growth?
I'm not bored or lonely I'm broken and the effort to fix me is painful. If I signed up on an online dating site to see what my options are I'd feel better. If there are halfway attractive men there then I'm good. All I need then is to use my sex appeal to find someone once my divorce is final. Yes, yes this will work. Until then I'll focus instead on my outward appearance. How much does professional teeth whitening cost anyway? lol
If and when you choose to enter the dating pool, there are compatible people out there, I guarantee it.
In the meantime, work on your emotional growth. It's painful, it's hard, it's exhausting, and it's worth it.
Last edited by job; 12/10/1905:08 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
