If it were me, I'd email it. It removes the emotional edginess and angst you can feel when you talk about these things. If you feel ready and safe that you'll be fine just talking about it, then do that.
I like the suggsetion here to start an email with -
"I was just thinking about XYZ" ("and wanted to discuss some of these things with you").
Yes, raising it through your L is not as soft an approach as you emailing or talking about it directly. A L's letter can be as conciliatory or as resolved as you instruct your L to do it.
Blend the thoughts behind your decision based on your comfort level and what is best for you and what is most likely to achieve a result as against how H will react to it. I love DnJ's squirrel analogy, but as he said, maybe the more direct approach is responded to as well. If you raise in person, will H heighten and want to defend, or will he want to go away and think about it? How will face to face discussion effect you if H gets heightened? These are some other things to consider as well.
I'll again play the broken record of suggesting speaking to your L about your current thoughts and desired proposals BEFORE you raise them with the H anyway.
Hope that helps
Cheers, DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Seems like there’s a few different issues: - is H taking S to his place in the mornings (versus taking S out to breakfast or washing and putting away breakfast dishes?). Switching to afternoons will not keep him from taking S to his place. You simply need the lawyer to fight to have him reveal his residence. A nanny cam could tell you what’s happening with breakfast. It could also reassure you that he’s behaving appropriately with your toddler. (But look into your local laws, if it’s not admissible in court do not mention your findings to him. It could be illegal where you live).
- H taking all afternoons would eliminate the friction of waiting for him in the morning. Is there a benefit for him too that you can use to sell it? Like “H, I know you’re really not a morning person, how would you like to do two afternoons instead? “
- I agree with trying a “softer” approach first. The more you can paint things as a “win-win”,
