I know exactly how you feel about the selfishness. Here’s the thing though, do you really want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be with you? I have friends in it for the kids and they are miserable.
I can almost guarantee you that you will go from hating her to being indifferent and then feeling sorry for her.
I absolutely do not want to just be in it for the kids. But I do want to protect them from going through this traumatic experience. It’s my parental instinct. I am accepting my fate more and more each day, and know it will be okay eventually. It’s just the unnecessary uneasiness due solely to her decisions that bothers me. Who knows what will Happen down the road, but I would bet there will be a knock at my door at some point. But I’m sure as heck not waiting around for that.
Yep. I bet your W is the last person you thought would do this? I bet she always put everyone else first? Now she feels she is entitled to the selfishness.
Absolutely positively do not wait around. Keeping moving forward.
If it helps... my kids aren’t traumatized either. Are they happy their parents split up? Of course not. But there is a difference between being unhappy and being traumatized. There was an adjustment period, for sure, but now that we are through it and they know that both their parents are okay (they take their cues from you btw) and they are used to the new routine, they are doing well.
I was a mess last year at this time and it pains me to think about how that affected them. It took months for my son to not closely scan my face to make sure I hadn’t been crying...and he often accused me of crying when I hadn’t been. I am much better now and he has stopped checking. He knows I am good and isn’t worried any longer.
Unfortunately....divorce is all too common in today’s society. This is a curse (kids who live with both parents do better statistically) and a blessing (children of divorce have plenty of friends who are in the same boat). I still hate that my kids have two homes and they do not get to grow up in an intact family the way I did... I always will. But I have accepted it and I know that now that I have, my kids are better off.
Last edited by job; 11/25/1905:00 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
