Bttrfly, I know a lot about not liking the way you look and the way you feel. I was absolutely at my heaviest when I last saw OD at the end of March. I knew that when summer came and my S headed off to camp I would make myself the priority in my life. No more excuses. No more hiding behind others and their needs. I just knew it was time. Now I'm the lightest I've been in 25 years at least (100 pounds down in less than 6 months--no gimmick). I thought for a long time that I could make small changes to reach my goal. Nope. When you get to be a certain age and nearing menopause, it can get very hard to lose weight because of insulin resistance. For me, intermittent fasting with keto made all the difference (and saved me lots of money). If you have not done so, check out Dr. Jason Fung on the subject.
I don't need or want to be a size 0, 2, 4, or 6 again.... The person who needed me to stay a size 6 and about age 30 was my exh. The pain I described in my last post is a direct result of being fat shamed and age shamed by someone who apparently couldn't forgive me for growing older, and not staying "A knockout" in his eyes. I was a size 12 when he said that. I'm 5'9".
I'm sorry - 5'9" and a size 6? Sounds like you were WAAAYYYYY too skinny! I'm 5'6" and when I was a size 8 my ribs were sticking out and I was clinically underweight. Size 12 at 5'9" sounds pretty perfect! Time to exorcise your fat-Nazi husband's voice from your brain.