Andrew - I noticed you pointed out you were not exactly comfortable with the “I love you” you exchange but she was enthusiastic. So i wonder if for you, it comes from that need to be chivalrous? To protect her feelings? The problem is that there are pushy people that take advantage of people that want to be nice.
That being said... me and new guy exchanged I love you’s super fast. Of course it could be Limerace. Can you really love someone that quick? But I could also make the argument of Why do we love our newborns immediately? Oxytocin and other hormones necessary for survival of the species. It’s not impossible to have feelings for someone early on and maybe there is new love and a separate longer term love. And then what about the love we have for our exes? I loved my ex because we knew each other for 15 years and shared a child. But didn’t love him love him in a healthy way. So to make the argument that love can only be healthy after years of knowing someone isn’t right either.
For me, I did not have those feelings for my last boyfriend. I think after over a year I asked him if he loved me and he said of course he did. And that he knew it was love because he got anxious and really upset thinking about if something happened to me. I said I love you too - but struggled. It was uncomfortable and not real for me. And i was annoyed that he had felt it and never bothered to say it and still would have not said if I didn’t bring it up.
With new guy I just absolutely love and adore and Cherish and know that it’s reciprocal.
Point I am trying to make is that maybe there are no recipes when it comes to love. We hear stories from people who just know immediately and then grow old together and complete opposite to. People that take their times bf end up cheating and abandoning.
But, in your case and all of our cases I do think you have to be true to yourself. Not because of fear from a past experience but knowing what you feel.
M: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 WAH in summer
Re: I Saw It on Mulberry Street
#2870563 11/03/1907:41 PM11/03/1907:41 PM
I had a great weekend with HaWho - er - S - yeah S, definately not HaWho. Who is this HaWho person anyway .....
To answer your question Ginger, It's nice that with S' custody schedule that her Wednesday evenings and every other weekend are free with what I like to refer to as "free baby-sitting". Her D18 and S17 don't mind being the official in charge person on other evenings I presume. Wednesday is also coincidentally the day that I work from my home office and usually take myself out for dinner. It's nice to have a companion.
We had a lovely time at the village craft show and bumped in to a number of S' friends as well as mine. The son of one of her friends had just published his first novel and was selling it there. S was conflicted as it would have cost her a good amount of the money she had for the show. Since it's both a genre that I have a bit of interest in along with it being a local author and friend of S', I told her that I'd buy a copy and we could share it. I had a bit of an awkward moment when the author inscribed it to both of us using my last name. From that and a few other interactions, we very much must have looked like a couple.
After the show we wandered around the village a bit browsing in the various shops that were set up to take advantage of the extra traffic generated by the craft show and stopped at my friend's cafe where S works from time to time for a bite to eat. That really put the mouse among the cats. We were invited to join them for the "staff lunch". One of my friends who helps out there I think was having a tough time picking her jaw up off the floor and later S said that it appeared that she was given the inside story by the owner later in the kitchen.
We had a nice dinner at my house and I managed to cook S' steak the way she liked it (rare) as opposed to mine (shoe leather). S I think enjoyed the fact that someone else was doing the work although she more than once offered to help. She did help with the dishes.
She also enjoyed breakfast and I was pleased that on Saturday when I stopped by the butcher shop that I was assured that there were no fillers of any sort in the sausages and that they were gluten free. S commented that she was very happy and initially very surprised that I take this seriously and remember and that most people, even her STBX would often forget / not bother to ensure that there were things she could eat when they went out.
We had a bit of a chuckle because one mirror that I'd installed in the dressing room I had gotten in trouble from my 4' 11" ex on because I'd installed it too high. S at 5'4" is exactly the right height for it. She also enjoyed the fact that my old cast iron tub is also exactly the right size for her and she had a lovely soak with bubbles, Epsom salts and no interruptions for an hour or so.
I think that she quite likes some of the features of my house.
S25 was very absent on Saturday night to the point where we doubted if he was actually in the house. He did get up and make himself something at around 2:00 am which S thought smelled quite good as there is a floor vent on that side of the bed that leads in to the kitchen.
We hung out around the house until about 3:00pm. S25 did wander by in the early afternoon and I was first a bit annoyed but then pleased that he sat and chatted with us and seemed perfectly comfortable with us sitting with our arms around each other. They have a common interest in American football and I think that S25 will be made part of her regular SuperBowl party at least in part because he knows how to stream the game for free.
We did talk about a whole variety of random things which did include challenges we have with our separate families and also - on my part - my worries that having been burned once in a divorce emotionally and financially - that it did raise fears that I still need to deal with in one fashion or another.
I was proud of myself this weekend. The first weekend of the month is usually reserved for doing a thorough clean of the house. I did throw in a couple of loads of laundry while S was in the tub and could feel myself fidgeting to get at stuff. But I calmed myself down and told myself that it could wait. I thanked S for helping me relax and focus on things that are important rather than being a mad cleaning fiend. I think she did actually want to hang around more - she had mentioned that she knew she had to visit her Dad in December - and S12 was with his dad until about 7:30 but we reluctantly packed her off to home. I then made a pumpkin pie, Sunday supper for S25 and I (roast beef - the gravy didn't turn out quite right though), got the laundry and my ironing done - rather late and off to bed.
I made a point of thanking S25 quite sincerely for not minding that S had come over and for giving us privacy on Saturday night. His reaction was a combination of "of course" and shoulder shrugging.
S and I are planning on going to the flower shop Christmas open house on Wednesday where she knows that she will be subjected to more scrutiny, we have a charity fund raising dinner and auction on Saturday (dress up time!) and possibly another charity event to go to on the Sunday for one that a friend of S runs.
I had been intending it as a bit of a surprise, but I did share with her which Inn I was hoping to steal her away to sometime later this month. She seemed pretty excited about that. I joked that I was able to afford it because of the fact that my car insurance went down by about $350 / year with the new car - which is also kinda true. We have to check schedules. S had mentioned that in her three marriages that she never got a honeymoon. So I think that this sort of thing is a novelty for her.