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Gerda, Happy Birthday!!!!

About your D, I have mentioned that I don't ask my son anything about dad or try to talk to him about visits with dad. He comes back feeling protective of dad and quiet. I think at some level he may feel that he betrayed me or something and feel bad about that. I just let him be and stay out of his way. Within a day or two he starts opening up and sharing things spontaneously. If it becomes clear he wants to talk about something, we do. If not, we don't. With mine, I know the visitations won't last long before he takes off again, so I just let it go.

Yours will probably stick around and this will be an ongoing thing. Probably good for you to reach some kind of script for how you handle this now so you don't have to keep dealing with your feelings. Remember that you and your D are different people and how you felt is not the same. She has had different life experiences.

Just focus on your side, and being the best mom you can when the kids are with you. They learn from seeing you. They learn from watching you. That also includes the times you are stressed and tense. Try to be the soft place for them, but set firm boundaries because kids like and need structure. It will work out. Just a day at a time.

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Job, Hawho, DnJ, Ownit -- What a good good good thing for this little soul to see all your messages about the transition issue and about my b-day. I am feeling very low tonight because D did mention more as the night went on. I was at a spa thing my father gave me,came back feeling so good and took D and her best friend home, where they came to my room to tell me that the other woman was there the whole time and and slept over last night. Our custody agreement says that is not allowed. (The weird thing is I would never have thought of that issue going into the agreement but H actually put it in!)

So it was a real lift to see all your messages. I am going to read them all now but will start a new thread because Job said mine might get locked. I will respond in the new thread. Thank you so much, Everyone.

New Thread:

Gerda Finally Sees the Broken Fragments

Last edited by job; 12/08/19 02:38 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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