Thanks everyone. I'm going to bide my time with S25 and see how he's doing before calling in the cavalry. I've not talked to his mother in any meaningful way in just under 3 years now and am not keen on opening that particular door. I will if necessary although I'm sure he would resent that.
Generally speaking he refuses and actively avoids talking about himself or any of "his" stuff. I recall when he quit his job that I think he actually lied to me for a couple of days not wanting to be judged even though he did know that I would be supportive.
Part of me wonders if it's just the fact that all around him, his friends are getting married, starting families and he's still in his childhood bedroom. He's possibly also starting to see the bottom of his bank account but that would be a very taboo subject and TBH - if he's broke - it will be up to his mother or himself to bail him out at least as far as his car loan goes.
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As an interesting side note, dating in a small town can have it's oddities. S commented on how angry my ex seems to be in her Facebook posts. Since she knows that I have no communication with her, it would be pretty obvious that I'm not her problem. I did notice at the cafe on Sunday where S works from time to time doing baking that there was no mention at all of our date - they are big gossips and would have loved teasing me - so presumably she kept the first date quiet.
On the other hand, I also have gone through both her's and her most recent ex's where they list themselves as "separated". S did make a comment about how she can't get an appointment with a lawyer without a retainer which she can't come up with. She also mentioned that her first divorce was nasty and bankrupted her and caused the business they jointly ran to go under and that her second divorce was also nasty. She seems to get along decently with the most current and I recall running in to them together at lunch a year or so ago.
In other news SIL1 spotted a video of B and her own H together visiting one of his son's in a local town. I took a look and they don't act very "couple-y" and being as her H presumably still lives a 5 hour drive away he was down for a visit. As I've mentioned though, if they are back together it certainly is no surprise. I did notice in the video that she's not wearing her wedding ring and I do know that she kept it and had it with her. And there was just "something" about her posture and such that made me think that she's a pretty unhappy woman. Not that there's any chance of her circling back though. I also just looked and she's not signed on to the OLD site since back in March so perhaps she is just living her life quietly and working on herself. Not my thing to worry about I know even if I do.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I’ve got to ask. Why does your SIL stalk your ex’s and report so much information back? First it’s your exW all the time, and now B? It’s an odd obsession.
I’ve got to ask. Why does your SIL stalk your ex’s and report so much information back? First it’s your exW all the time, and now B? It’s an odd obsession.
She's an odd lady. Also retired. She has also been a big help and supporter. She's stuck her foot in it more than a few times as well.
She means well.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I think the more likely red flag was that she’s been divorced 3 times and lives off of child support. But hey, perhaps she can just be a friend you do some stuff with. Friends of the opposite sex are great. Friends who you share interests with in general are great!
Very busy weekend so I'm late to the comments but was already thinking of writing this when I read it from Ginger. Holy cow - three D's, the latest seems to be still in progress? And more or less living off of support and assistance? Where are you finding these women and who are you turning down Andrew? And I'm sorry that may sound overly snarky even for me but it really seems like there is a clear pattern starting to develop with dating or at least meeting up with separated but still married women who are not very good at supporting themselves financially. What's that about? As Ginger says, friends of the opposite sex are great - you just seem to get overly interested/involved regardless of all of the red flags surrounding you. Anyone still married has to be suspect. Not saying that every situation is bad or wrong but there is a reason many people simply refuse to date those who are separated but still married.
As for Son, did he get wind of you meeting up with this woman who he specifically asked you not to date? Could that be a part of his current actions? We often tend to think of co-parenting being for actual children - those under the age of 18. But talk to pretty much any child with divorced parents over the age of 18 and they will tell you they very much wish for or value their parents getting along. Them being able to attend birthdays and holidays and functions with both parents present and able to co-exist together. The fact you've not even talked to his mother in three years has to be weighing on him - whether he says it or not. He clearly is uncomfortable all the way to not even telling you when he's meeting his mother. Imagine what that's like for any child - to have to hide things from one parent to the next. It's far easier for me to say it than have to do it but it's certainly worth thinking about. Having some sort of co-parent communication can only help your son - I can't see how it would at all hurt him. It might be difficult for you but that's part of being a dad - doing things for our kids even when it's harder than heck for us to do. I can see all sorts of reasons why you'd not want to talk to your ex-W and very much agree with all of them! But I can also see very many reasons it would help your son and daughter if you could at least have some sort of co-parent R with her because the fact is, you are both likely going to be grandparents some day. These kids will always be your children. This will not go away - it's here for, let's hope, another 30 or 40 years for both of you. Just something to think about.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
