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A Message from Michele
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Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: DnJ] #2871272
11/08/19 12:48 AM
11/08/19 12:48 AM
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Grace21 Offline OP
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Grace21  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DnJ
What do you believe?


I believe my choices will all lead me to a place of peace, contentment, happiness and joy.


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2871395
11/08/19 04:42 PM
11/08/19 04:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,573
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Grace,

Anything that you purchased or was a gift from someone else to you, he cannot put a price tag on it. For example, if you had a sibling who gave you a clock, then he can't claim it. As for the old stuff, if he doesn't want it, tell him to donate it to charity.

Hang in there. He's going to come up w/some really stupid stuff along the way....he's doing many things like my xh did. They tend to follow similar paths around here. Dig deeper for patience and stand your ground.

Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: job] #2871832
11/11/19 10:37 PM
11/11/19 10:37 PM
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Posts: 525
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Grace21 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by job
Dig deeper for patience and stand your ground.


Luckily my patience is not wearing thin. In fact, I seem to have more. I just respond to his e-mails, work with my attorney, and live my life. Just sent an e-mail with a few questions to hopefully get a few last items clear for the agreement. My attorney asked me today about requesting financial disclosures. I am with almost 100% certainty confident that H isn't hiding some big asset somewhere, since I saw his paychecks come in our entire married life, and I paid all the bills. But, she put the seed of doubt in my mind, so I am considering asking for financial disclosure. I of course will happily provide mine, too. That might create more drama than I'm want, however. I have to think about it a bit more

I was in such a rush to "just get it over" not that long ago. I seem to suddenly not be in a rush, but to just live my life as if I'm divorced (except for the dating). The only thing that bugs me a bit is his stuff still here. I could pack it up, but I don't want to do his work. We'll see how that goes as time goes on.

Life continue to be good.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2871849
11/12/19 02:14 AM
11/12/19 02:14 AM
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Gerda Offline
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Originally Posted by Grace21
The only thing that bugs me a bit is his stuff still here. I could pack it up, but I don't want to do his work. We'll see how that goes as time goes on.


Pack that stuff up, Gracie! You can't imagine how cathartic it is to get it all out and come up with something cool to do with the new empty space. (Maybe you will get to see what I did in Dec!) I packed it all and lugged it to the car and lugged it to the storage space and paid for it, a story made famous on my thread. : ) It was a lot of work, and it was work I was glad I did. It's not his work because you don't want him over there doing that. Just send him an envelope with the keys and instructions for the storage space and tell him you paid for one month and be done with it! I can say with no doubts that doing that was really good for me and made my home a happier space for ME.

Last edited by Gerda; 11/12/19 02:15 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2871850
11/12/19 02:24 AM
11/12/19 02:24 AM
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Grace21 Offline OP
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Hi Gerda.

I agreed to let H keep his stuff here until July 2020 in exchange for higher life insurance. Thought that was a good exchange. But, it's suppose to be in the garage after the D, but the longer it gets delayed, the longer it will be here. I'm not that upset about it, well, not upset at all. just a bit irritated from time to time. And, it's too much stuff for me to move. It's A LOT!

What will I do with all the space? Probably just enjoy the feeling of having junk purged. LOL.


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2871879
11/12/19 02:14 PM
11/12/19 02:14 PM
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Gerda Offline
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That does sound like a good exchange. But I still say you should invite a friend over and box it up and move it to the garage. Or hire someone to do it. You will be amazed at how you feel at home with it gone.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2871964
11/13/19 01:53 AM
11/13/19 01:53 AM
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Gerda Offline
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Grace, do you think that on the 26th we could actually meet up? I might be traveling on the 26th or the 27th but if I could see you on the 26th I would plan around it!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2872111
Yesterday at 12:18 AM
Yesterday at 12:18 AM
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Grace21 Offline OP
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Hi Gerda - I land at 6 pm (LGA). I would imagine I won't get to the hotel until 7:30 (midtown). If you don't mind meeting a bit late, even for and hour or so, I would love it!


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2872114
Yesterday at 12:31 AM
Yesterday at 12:31 AM
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Grace21 Offline OP
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Journaling......

Negotiations continue, life moves along.

H has not retained an attorney. He's not well informed. I, on the other hand, got it all down. Feels good. H said it will depend on the draft agreement whether he retains an attorney. H being not informed is dragging this a bit, but I'm o.k. with it. I've got a full holiday season coming up, and my life i full in general. The process needs to move along at the pace it was meant to.

In an e-mail about the settlement, after going through a few points 1,2,3...# 4 said "I did read your note from last week. I will respond at some point. I donít have the words right now". I had earlier reported here that I put a few heartfelt words down to him with no expectations. I am mildly interested in what he will say, but not waiting for it.

#5 said "Iím sorry about all this. I know youíre suffering too. I wish I could undo all of this and turn back the clock. I miss my family."

I sent back a response to the points in the e-mail that related to the agreements, then just said " My note to you of last week was sent with no expectations, but I look forward to your thoughts. The past can not be undone, but one doesn't have to be stuck in it forever."

I said this because I am not stuck. I am living. He's stuck because of his own actions or inaction. I hope some day he figures that out. He has the power. He just doesn't know it yet.

And by the way.

I'm not suffering.

I wonder why he thinks I am?

Life if good.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Re: Perfecting my inner peace [Re: Grace21] #2872123
Yesterday at 02:53 AM
Yesterday at 02:53 AM
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DnJ Offline
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Hello Grace

Originally Posted by Grace21
The process needs to move along at the pace it was meant to.

Love that. Hit the nail right on the head with that one.

You sound really good. Full of acceptance and understanding.

So why does H think youíre suffering? (You certainly donít sound like it.)

Because he is.

He will see the world through his sad suffering lens. He will project upon people his story lines of suffering or faults or deeds, whatever it is to ease himself. And in the moments when he does realize how well you are doing he probably wishes it was not so. Misery does love company.

Life is good indeed.

Keep shinning girl.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me51 XW48 S22 S21 S18 D17

I may give up, but not today.
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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