It's been a while, hope everyone is doing well in the midst of this Pandemic.
Much had happened the past 6 months. My grandfather passed away, my mum went for an operation, but me and my wife has yet divorced 🤣
We are still staying together under the same roof but much less talking to each other. The last time she brought up about the papers was in march. Then, she told me that she did not raise about the subject was because my Grandfather passed away and my mum just had an operation. I told her well, that should not be the deterring factor and if she wish to go ahead, just let my Lawyer know.
Then she mentioned she was giving me some time to think (As I am intending to refuse the overnight and oversea access for her to the children). I told her what's my concern is the transition of the children and I had previously arranged counselling for them but it had to stop due to this pandemic. I told her that she might as well also use the time to consider about her decision.
Next, lock down was implemented in April. It was alright the first 2 weeks until one evening she was talking to me very rudely at the dining table. I told my stand and told her that she does not need to speak to me like that. The messaged could be conveyed at a much proper tone. Then she stomped off. At first she intended to pack her bags but I guess there's no where for her to move to due to the lock down situation. Then, she moved out of our bedroom into the study room.
Ever since her move, our 2 kids took turns to accompany us on alternate nights. Each of them will be with us for one night in the same room and rotate with the other. They were understanding in doing that. However, my wife staying in the study room inconvenient everyone because my helper could not carry on her chores there in the morning (as my wife always slept till late). Thus, I told my wife if she wish to move back into the bedroom, she can because it has been causing inconvenience for the rest. But she mentioned she is happy being at the study room. So I left her as it is.
Recently, the journal was left on the table again. And in it, I saw her writing about asking a close friend of her's about her opinion of me. The close friend was telling my wife that I am not a sincere person. I am a person who is very good at planning and managing projects and I am taking our marriage like a project and going through the motion and flow. Albeit feeling absurb, I just smile and close it. The last time I met this "closed" friend of her's was 6-7 years back? And I never really held a long conversation with her before. mostly was just hi and bye kind of thing. This closed friend herself is single (her fiance walked out from the engagement more than 10 years ago) and she was the one whom suggested to my wife that we should go for marriage counselling 8-9 years ago even without me knowing it "Shrugz"
Geez. Supposedly someone who "knows" you so well even though you'll don't know her. And she was encouraging my wife to look for someone else but told her to find herself first before she starts doing so.
Nowdays I am still taking things light. Still exercising, spending time with my kids but I seem to start having problem with drinking. Realized that I am on 6 packs every night and when evening comes, I just felt like drinking to make myself happier. Can't do much due to the lockdown and just work in a room during the day, work out and sneak for a drink at night.
For her, she started to rearrange the furniture in the study into a mess and start painting some walls of the house to touch up from the aging stage. Lesser being away but sometimes she sneaks out for a couple of hours. Meeting her friends and also bringing my children's toy model to a "friend" to fix it up for them. And this friend is so nice to even pick her up even though she is asking him a favour to fix the model.
I don't know. I do feel what I had for her seems to be wearing off too. Many a times after I finished drinking, I felt like just calling the lawyer to serve her the papers. But I also told myself not to make any decisions or do anything during intoxication for that would not be the best judgement made. I used to thought that I do not mind standing to wait. But as I try to love myself more, I am also not allowing myself to be treated in manners she used to treat me...
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
ToSmile, welcome back, and sorry things are still a struggle. My only advice for you right now? Stop drinking. Do it for your kids if not for yourself. As a former alcoholic I can tell you that drinking alone is a huge red-flag. And I cannot tell you how much better my life has been in the decades since I gave up alcohol.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last edited by job; 06/04/2012:43 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
