That's really annoying and strange that your friend would do that! I wouldn't say anything though b/c ultimately he was helping you a lot and it probably won't be well received. If you ever took your dog to him again then you could bring it up.
And your EW is still playing little games it seems...oh well. How's your summer break treating you?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
It's nice to hear your update although I'm sorry to hear that your friend wasn't totally transparent. If he's a close friend I'd personally ask him to give you a heads up next time before he talks with your ex-wife about the dog's status or anything that concerns you as well.
How was your trip? Did you meet any other nice women recently?
Thanks guys. I agree to just let it go with EW, but with my friend i just feel as though i should address it. Because it does bother me. I used to run away from confrontation or difficult conversations, and I have made it a priority not to do that anymore.
Summer has been great. I took two week-long trips, which sandwiched a week spent up with my family and friends. First I was in Puerto Rico (before the protests) with a friend. It was a blast, we explored a good bit but also spent a lot of time at the beach just chilling. Then I spent a week in Alaska, visiting another friend. It was sublime. The vastness of the land, the contrast between lush green meadows full of flowers and vast ice fields and glaciers just steps away, the wildlife - moose, bears, caribou, puffins, whales, porcupines, the fresh-caught salmon! My friend and I spent a couple of nights hiking in Denali national park - we were fortunate to see the peak for a few hours from our campsite (only 30% of visitors see it due to ever-present cloud cover). We spent a night in a cute little town called Talkeetna where we listened to a Grateful Dead cover band in a dive bar until midnight and walked out into a still light-filled "night". We also went on a day long boat tour (my friend was the park ranger narrating the trip) to visit glaciers in Kenai Fjords where we also saw whales breaching, puffins diving, sea otters and seals. The highlight of the trip was a 7.5 hour hike up and down the side of Exit Glacier, 3,500 feet of elevation change. We made it up to the start of the Harding Ice field which feeds all the glaciers and goes on for 40 miles. It was one of the most spectacular views I have ever seen in my life. The harshness of the icy tundra belied by the 70 degree temperature and the lush vegetation below. Breathtaking.
I've been dating as well with mixed success. Lots of online conversations, many of which fizzle, a bunch of dates of which only a few show any spark. I am starting to doubt my ability to read social cues. Twice last week I went on dates (a first, and a second date) with different women, and I left the date thinking that the women was not interested, that something had fallen flat. In both cases I was proven wrong when the woman reached out the very same day to contact me and let me know what a good time they had. It's not a question of insecurity or lack of confidence, just an interesting failure to interpret signals correctly.
One of those women I saw on Thursday for a mid-day date, a lunch-time walk along the greenway. When she reached out again we ended up meeting again on Friday night when we out to a way-too-cool-for-us repurposed industrial space that is getting repopulated with artist studios and on Friday nights they have food trucks, live music, beer, etc... We spent a great night talking and trading dating stories. I haven't seen anyone who made me laugh this hard ever. It was one of those nights that you don't want to end. However, she is also separated, 6 months out of a 8 year long marriage (with a 3 yr old). Afterward she texted me to let me know that she is unclear what she wants at this point and feels like she could be dangerous to herself and others (in the dating sense). She is in therapy, has a regular yoga practice, and is open when talking about her marriage and the failures, so she is doing the right things, but may not be ready. That said, I'll keep dating other people, but I'd like to keep seeing her without any expectations. I had 3 other dates over the weekend and another few in the process of getting set-up for this coming week, so I'm keeping my options open and not placing too all my hopes in this one basket.
Last night we agreed to meet on Wednesday when she doesn't have her child. She asked me what was on my "bucket list" which wasn't a very clear question to me, but she told me that she wanted to know what I was psyched to do, as an inspiration for Wed night. My immediate response was that I'm dying to try a rock-climbing wall set over water where there are no ropes - you just have to let go and fall into the 16 ft. pool below. But, it's not a date idea necessarily, so I began writing to her about a new duckpin bowling facility which just opened in my neighborhood (a safer date idea). Before I could even send that message, she wrote back to me saying ok, let's do it! (the climbing wall) I was beyond surprised, and honestly quite touched. Not only had she asked me for something I was passionate about, but she was game to try it (she's not a climber) with me. Quite frankly, it struck me as an act of generosity that I have almost never seen in the dating world. I'll often suggest ideas for dates and have women go along with them, but this felt different - she wanted to know my passion and do it for me. I'm struggling to recall the last time anyone (a date or not) has shown such a generosity of spirit with me. It's a small thing, but I really do appreciate it.
I hope everyone is well. I haven't been around much lately, and sometimes feel egotistical posting updates. I know it helps me to put them down in writing. Hopefully it brings some levity and humor to the forum, and perhaps shows some other folks that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a wide world out there if you open yourself up to it. Be well, all!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
1) Am I overreacting? it seems like a breach of trust to me.
Personally I think you are overreacting, it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. She's not your W anymore, but your paths are going to keep crossing in unexpected ways. Try not to see a conspiracy every time it happens!
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2) Do I say anything to my friend? (I feel like I need to)
Nah, I would let it go.
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3) Do I say anything to EW (my instinct is to ignore)
Here's the thing, you didn't tell W where the dog was going to be, you didn't tell her when you would be back, so she took matters into her own hands. Do you think you have a right to be mad at her for it? Does she not have just as much a right to be mad at you for not telling her anything? It's no big deal, let's talk about Davide's awesome life without W instead
Thanks. I appreciate your opinion. And I am VERY receptive to the idea that I'm overreacting.
I would just quibble that I did let my EW know that I was going out of town, and the exact dates I would be gone because that only seemed fair, and I didn't want her to come to the house and not find the dog. After she screwed me over, I found another place for the dog - I've done that a bunch, generally through paid dog-sitting services, and never told her where. This time I used a friend - but I don't see how it is any different. She would never have shown up or complained about it earlier.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Including the bait to talk to your friend about this!
I had a similar situation this weekend. My W and I are S'd, but agreed that with a particular set of mutual friends we would not get them involved in the middle of things, we could both continue to see them, etc. I didn't have the kids this weekend, so I asked a buddy to hang out. He said he was busy -- turns out he was busy doing stuff with his W and my W and our kids.
At first I was irritated with my W for not letting me know she would be taking the kids to see our friends. But then I realized that we did not agree that we would let each other know if we hung out with mutual friends. It wasn't discussed. So nix that.
Then I was irritated with my friend for not letting me know. But then I realized he probably felt like he didn't know what to do, because he was in the middle of it already. He had no clue that I didn't know what my W and kids would be doing.
Replace my W and kids with your dog and it's basically the same story.
Have compassion for your friend, that is not an easy spot to be in.
For your W - she is either intentionally or unintentionally irritating you. If intentional - you have given her control of your emotions by letting her sh*t test you, something to work on. If unintentional - her behavior is just more confirmation that you are on the right path!
I would just quibble that I did let my EW know that I was going out of town, and the exact dates I would be gone because that only seemed fair, and I didn't want her to come to the house and not find the dog. After she screwed me over, I found another place for the dog - I've done that a bunch, generally through paid dog-sitting services, and never told her where.
The way I look at it though, you're divorced. The mutual friend apparently talks to both of you, and probably assumes there is no longer any bad blood between you since the D is final, and probably saw no harm in letting her walk the dog one evening since you typically allow her to do so even when the dog is at your house. I imagine your friend and your XW would be quite shocked if you made a stink out of it, they both probably see it as neither here nor there, right? So why did it upset you? Dig into that, there's something there that deserves exploration.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
