Thanks to a recent post by DnJ, I looked into ‘compartmentalisation’. This really seems a good fit too for why they are so distant. Looking at the way my XW treated me, I feel like I had been compartmentalised. Before encountering this word, I had often felt my XW had a ‘circle’, that if you were in, you were all good, but if you fell outside, you were in a bad place with her, and there forever.
‘Compartmentalisation’ - look into it.
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
I am struggling with figuring out whether my H is in a MLC or not. You all talk a lot about the MLCer making the LBS feel like she is the root of his unhappiness. My H says he wants to be free to find happiness but claims it is not my fault. I am not sure if he is bad mouthing me to family and friends though. This makes me think it may not be MLC but here are some of his MLC-like characteristics:
1. Mid 40s 2. Lost 50+ pounds quickly and is obsessed with working out daily at home and in gym 3. New wardrobe, tries to follow trends when he cared nothing about trends before and in fact used to dress very conservatively 4. Obsessed with concealing gray hair, whitening teeth 5. Very self conscious about his looks in general 6. Spending money excessively, primarily for his small business, but also on eating out, etc. 7. Parties and drinks a lot when he did not do this before 8. Stays out until morning several days a week and does not tell anyone where he is (likely a physical affair - has had an affair before about 6 years ago and perhaps others I did not know about) 9. Mother passed away this year 10. Moved to the basement and treats it like an apt 11. Distances himself from me, sometimes does not want to be in same room even and tries to text only. No physical touch at all since BD except one or two distant hugs on the first couple days 12. Father had a bad midlife crisis, divorced his mother and has married/divorced multiple times 13. Now wants to travel as much as possible for work but did not want to when we were happier in our M
Last edited by HesAble; 12/18/1903:08 AM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years