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A Message from Michele
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Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2838698
02/23/19 02:39 PM
02/23/19 02:39 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 160
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Babe Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 160
Bumping this up (for this helped me understand husband's crisis)

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2848853
05/11/19 09:15 PM
05/11/19 09:15 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 90
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SoloFlex Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 90
OMG, this is the BEST thread I've read here.......

Although many of the posters aren't here anymore, those that are = THANK YOU

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2868727
10/18/19 10:04 AM
10/18/19 10:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 418
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DS9 Offline
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 418
Hi all,

Thanks to a recent post by DnJ, I looked into ‘compartmentalisation’. This really seems a good fit too for why they are so distant. Looking at the way my XW treated me, I feel like I had been compartmentalised. Before encountering this word, I had often felt my XW had a ‘circle’, that if you were in, you were all good, but if you fell outside, you were in a bad place with her, and there forever.

‘Compartmentalisation’ - look into it.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: DS9] #2876058
12/13/19 05:14 PM
12/13/19 05:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 55
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PLC Offline
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 55
I think I am compartmentalized in a box, under a bunch of other boxes. I am in the attic that when you move, it has been pushed so far under an eave you miss it!

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2876600
12/18/19 03:07 AM
12/18/19 03:07 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 150
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HesAble Offline
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HesAble  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 150
I am struggling with figuring out whether my H is in a MLC or not. You all talk a lot about the MLCer making the LBS feel like she is the root of his unhappiness. My H says he wants to be free to find happiness but claims it is not my fault. I am not sure if he is bad mouthing me to family and friends though. This makes me think it may not be MLC but here are some of his MLC-like characteristics:

1. Mid 40s
2. Lost 50+ pounds quickly and is obsessed with working out daily at home and in gym
3. New wardrobe, tries to follow trends when he cared nothing about trends before and in fact used to dress very conservatively
4. Obsessed with concealing gray hair, whitening teeth
5. Very self conscious about his looks in general
6. Spending money excessively, primarily for his small business, but also on eating out, etc.
7. Parties and drinks a lot when he did not do this before
8. Stays out until morning several days a week and does not tell anyone where he is (likely a physical affair - has had an affair before about 6 years ago and perhaps others I did not know about)
9. Mother passed away this year
10. Moved to the basement and treats it like an apt
11. Distances himself from me, sometimes does not want to be in same room even and tries to text only. No physical touch at all since BD except one or two distant hugs on the first couple days
12. Father had a bad midlife crisis, divorced his mother and has married/divorced multiple times
13. Now wants to travel as much as possible for work but did not want to when we were happier in our M

Last edited by HesAble; 12/18/19 03:08 AM.

H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9
BD - 11/2019
Married 14 years; Together 20 years
Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2876601
12/18/19 03:16 AM
12/18/19 03:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,581
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OwnIt Offline
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Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,581
You should start your own thread in the section down below.

Generally helps to give how long married, what happened in 18-24 month period before, etc.

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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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