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A Message from Michele
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Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Imageer] #984516
03/22/07 03:54 PM
03/22/07 03:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 210
L
Lost_for_now Offline
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Lost_for_now  Offline
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L
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 210
So odd how much the behavior is the same across vastly different people.


Current thread

Me-38
W-31
No Kids
Bomb-10/10/06
She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Lost_for_now] #984576
03/22/07 04:48 PM
03/22/07 04:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
J
Jack_Three_Beans Offline OP
Moderator
Jack_Three_Beans  Offline OP
Moderator
J
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
Wow,

Thank you Amy. I just wanted to steal your post from Seperated, as there are alot of new 'guys' here. While Happy is posting, I really do believe that there is a huge difference in male MLC and female MLC, not to sound too sterotypical but the simple difference in perceptions from emotion and logic.

I am indebted to you for posting here and letting these guys, us poor SOB's, the walking wounded, get that glimpse, thank you.

Simon can you grab anything for the Resources from Amy's posting.

Thank you Amy.

Jack



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #984593
03/22/07 05:03 PM
03/22/07 05:03 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 969
Utah
bookpusher Offline
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bookpusher  Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 969
Utah
Thank you Amy! When I looked at your comments about NC, I called my SIL in and said there is H! Finally, someone who kind of resembles him. I could kiss you!!!

Do you think if you H had pushed for a D it would have been better or worse, than just leaving you alone?


Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.

bomb: Jan 25, 2006
not seen since
DD moved in with H - 9/1/08
H filed for divorce - 11/2008
Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010
still nothing
Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: AmyC] #984635
03/22/07 05:28 PM
03/22/07 05:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,284
A
almosthopeful Offline
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almosthopeful  Offline
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A
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,284
Thank you very much, Amy, and Ever, for sharing your experiences.

This struck me in particular:
Originally Posted By: AmyC
To you I'll say this: If you don't humble yourself at this time, if you let pride make you bitter and vengeful, she will never feel able to ask your forgiveness. And THAT ALONE IS PARAMOUNT to her coming out of MLC a better and stronger person.
You see, the hardest thing for her will be forgiving herself and she can never do that unless she can come back and talk with you.
Love her or not, leave her or not, you've got to make yourself a person (because you are THE person) she can come to and apologize. This is when you're going to have your feet held to fire and you'll find out if your love is really unconditional.

While she's lost, you have work of your own to do.

This isn't just her journey.

You're also here for a reason.

To be totally honest, today, I'm not sure if I'm up for this. I believe I have changed for the better during these 22 months. According to all accounts, I have. But I can see and feel clearly what an enormous effort it will take from here on to become and remain that humble, accepting, forgiving person. Today, I just don't know. But I thank you Amy for spelling it out, in no uncertain terms. I'm certain you are right.

Hugs.
AH

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: bookpusher] #984693
03/22/07 06:09 PM
03/22/07 06:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
Virginia
A
AmyC Offline
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AmyC  Offline
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A
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
Virginia
Originally Posted By: bookpusher
Thank you Amy! When I looked at your comments about NC, I called my SIL in and said there is H! Finally, someone who kind of resembles him. I could kiss you!!!

Do you think if you H had pushed for a D it would have been better or worse, than just leaving you alone?


Whenever he pushed at all he had a hellcat on his hands.
Lay low.
You'll have less scars.


"The moment you declared yourselves independent of God, you became a danger to one another" - The Shack

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: AmyC] #984709
03/22/07 06:16 PM
03/22/07 06:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
J
Jack_Three_Beans Offline OP
Moderator
Jack_Three_Beans  Offline OP
Moderator
J
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
Chicks dig scars. : )



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #984714
03/22/07 06:18 PM
03/22/07 06:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,284
A
almosthopeful Offline
Member
almosthopeful  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,284
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Chicks dig scars. : )


LOL. Keep telling yourself that!

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: AmyC] #984732
03/22/07 06:27 PM
03/22/07 06:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,603
A
always_14 Offline
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always_14  Offline
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A
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,603
AmyC and Ever.

Thank you SO MUCH for your posts and efforts. It's certainly not easy coming here and sharing your experiences...a time in life I'm sure you would many times rather keep in the past....and for sharing while the both of you are now on the same side of the fence as us.

Though the femalve vs male MLC has differences, I can also see MANY similartiies. Of course, this goes without saying.

So many hurdles, and so much of it not in our hands.

Keep on living, is the way to go for now.

You're right about laying low....it's been the best tactic for me, too.

The answers always come from within, for both the MLCer and the LBS.

So, I have felt most comfortable letting H come to his own realizations, answers or living in a fog.

Trust in God. Trust that God will give you what you need to make it through, anything.

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: always_14] #984851
03/22/07 07:46 PM
03/22/07 07:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 807
H
happy_again Offline
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happy_again  Offline
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H
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 807
i think women in mlc are way worse then the men.women become so damned emotional and bitchy. men are just wierd.

Re: Why the MLCer is so distant [Re: happy_again] #984859
03/22/07 07:51 PM
03/22/07 07:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,633
R
Rollercoasterider Offline
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Rollercoasterider  Offline
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R
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,633
Maybe...or could it be that Males in MLC have received estrogen shots and thus act like emotional and bitchy woman? ;\)

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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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