Some of you may remember me, below is my very first post on this site, dated March 3rd, 2004:
My wife of seven years is filing for divorce, and I cannot blame her. During our marriage I have been sometimes verbally and physically abusive, I never hit her, but I know pushing is just as bad. I have sought help for my anger problem and am currently going through Anger management therapy and I have also given my life to God and have joined a mens accountibilty/support group called Man to Man. I guess I need advice and answers to some questions.
Is it possible for a woman to find her way back to loving somebody that hurt them badly? I don't really know what went wrong in our marriage, mainly why I started the verbal and physical stuff. In my first marriage I wasn't like that, oh sure, she and I yelled at each other, but I never laid a finger on her. Why with this one did I start? I love my current wife so much that it hurts and I never ever stopped loving her even when things were really bad. I am getting help mainly for myself as I realize that I cannot be like I was and hope to have a healthy, meaningful relationship with someone if I do not change. But, I do not want anyone else but my wife, I don't need her, I just want her, there is a difference.
Do women really believe that a man can change, if he's truly repentant? I recognize and aknowledge the fact that I am were I am due to my own actions.
I just cannot stand the fact that our family is going to be torn apart, we have two daughters ages 4 years and 8 mos, and I really love all three of the ladies in my life and cannot stand the fact that I may not see them every night, or worse yet, that another person may help my wife raise them. My wife is a wonderful, beautiful and vibrant woman, and it kills me that I have basically crushed her spirit. We are both in our mid 30's and I feel that anyone we meet after and if this divorce goes through will already have kids as well (more than likely) and I want my own family, not someone elses. I know I can't make my wife love me again, but I was just wondering if it is possible for her to maybe find her way back to me and hopefully forgive me, if not forget.
-------------------- "Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
Today, August 9, 2004 In May, after going through Anger Management therapy, Marriage counseling, and religiously following the advice of my Divorce Busting coach and the Divorce Remedy book, my wife decided that maybe I deserved another chance.
It is now August 9th, and my marriage is quite possibly the best it has ever been and seems to be getting better day by day, gone are the constant arguements, gone are the petty put downs and one up manships, gone are the feelings of resentment and feelings of inadequacy that we BOTH were feeling. We both share our feelings with each other and if we DO disagree on a subject (which is bound to happen) we no longer yell at each other, or try and out talk one another, instead we talk it out civily like adults should, and we have found that we TRULY love one another.
Now, it hasn't all been grins and giggles, my wife still stresses out from time to time due to work and our two daughters, and I still do the same about my job and our finances, but the difference is that we try not to take it out on each other, and if one of us feels that the other is doing just that, we let each other know and we try and resolve the issue. We work as a team now instead of two individuals living under the same roof as roommates.
I know we have a long way to go, but I feel that if we continue on the path we have been going, nothing can stand in our way. I love my wife, and I make it a point to let her know each and every day either by words, or actions. I forgot to mention that the other day I, my wife, and another married couple that are friends of ours were talking on our way to Houston, and the subject of marriage came up, the wife in the other couple stated that she viewed their marraige to be at about a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being the best, my wife stated that she believed our marriage to be an 8, I was so happy, that my eyes were watering (I'm glad the other guy didn't see me) and I agreed with her, anyway, it made me really happy that she thought that.
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